Jwed update

After I asked whether he'd be willing to have more children, Monsieur Restauranteur wrote back to me:

If there is love I will be ready for everything
And God wants to be a child then also 

Okay, fine. Before I could respond, he sent another email:

Hi
My name is MR and I very much would like to get to know you.
I am a partner and a manager at a restaurant in Manhattan 

I am a simple person looking for one serious woman.
I dont like nor have the time to write emails so here is my phone number 917-xxx-xxxx.
I would be very happy to hear from you or if you'd like then you're very welcomed to stop by my restaurant for breakfast or just for a coffee.
Thank you

Hmmm. So I called today, and we chatted for a bit ... and I'm a little concerned.

First of all, it's not a kosher restaurant. I'm not sure why that bothers me. I doubt he'd try to force me to eat the cured ham/mascarpone sandwich on his menu; on his profile, I read:

I am Shomer Shabat pray 3 times a day, keeps Kosher and fully observe all Jewish Holidays.

But it's still a little weird. (For the record, I checked out some customer reviews of his restaurant, and the consensus seems to be great food/lousy service. Also not great.)

Second, he said he's very lonely. "I don't have a family, I don't have a friend -- I have like one or two friends," he said.

"How long have you lived in the US?" I asked. (He's from Israel. Another red flag, kinda.)

"Three years. Everybody is busy, everybody is working, everybody have a family... It's not easy for me to connect with Americans. Only in the work, people I know in the work."

So... he's lonely, he has no friends, his children live in Israel... no wonder he wants to fall in love with someone. I can't blame him -- I'm lonely too -- but I'm still concerned. Yes, I've been in New York longer than three years, but I have more than two friends.

He also didn't ask me out. He kind of made me ask him out. I didn't want to spend a lot of time on the phone before we met; I've learned through experience that it's not a good use of my time. So I said I needed to get going....

"Okay," he said. "You can call me anytime. To make plans, or just to talk...."

I have dozens of people I can call or IM "just to talk." I'm not going to waste time doing that with someone I barely know.

"Why don't we make plans now?" I asked. So we did. He let me choose the time and place, and we're having dinner Tuesday night.

I don't have high hopes. But I also don't have anything else going on. Julius and Geoffrey, whom I emailed off the site because their profiles are suspended, didn't get back to me. Neither did any of the guys I emailed on Jwed. I sent a nice "no thank you" to UK Bloke. 

On March 6 on another dating site -- a free site -- I heard from a 49-year-old without a profile photo:

i agree ur cute. i can offer you coffee, and let u make the conversation (joking).

Not impressive, but I thought I'd give him a chance:

Funny ;) Do you have a picture?

Of course he doesn't. And it took him 12 days to answer me. Today he wrote:

i don't have anything recent. is that big white guy in your pic a previous boy friend? i see why you broke up with him.

Not wasting any more time on him.

The "big white guy" in the picture is a stuffed polar bear (not a real one -- just a life-size toy) that I posed with in Ketchikan, Alaska during my cruise in 2009. I'm thinking of going back this summer with some different friends. Alaska is incredibly gorgeous, cruises are incredibly decadent, and if I don't hook up with any charming cads, it could be a really wonderful vacation.

And right now I need something to look forward to. My commute is horrific, my job has become 99% paperwork (which won't help me get my LCSW), and I'm constantly exhausted and miserable. The only good thing is saving lots of money, because I'm too exhausted to go out during the week (even on weekends I'm usually recuperating) and I'm not interested in buying clothes or jewelry, since I'm not wearing a tenth of what I already own. (No time to accessorize at 5:20am.)

I'm so busy running to doctors (saw my psychiatrist who wants me to go to my GP for blood work, saw my knee specialist who wants me to go twice a week for physical therapy -- AS IF I HAVE TIME TO FIND A GOOD THERAPY PRACTICE CLOSE TO HOME and energy to plan, need to go to the dentist) that I don't have the cognitive ability to plan anything that isn't absolutely necessary, not even some nice pampering experiences, like a massage or a facial. I'm too shredded.

So why not go on another fabulous vacation? I deserve it.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Back on Jwed -- for now. I need a love life.

Haven't been a paying Jwed member in 9 months. Rejoined today, because they had a sale and because my romantic life is absolutely moribund. In the interim, I received a ton of messages I couldn't delete. Although there was one that I forced Jwed to delete for me. As I wrote to their Help department:

To: support@jwed.com

Subject: Technical: Delete a message from a disgusting old pervert 

A man 20 years older than I am sent me a message. I do not want to see it in my mailbox. Can you delete it? It is the most recent message.

When an elderly person with no photo and nothing written in his profile contacts me, I don't like it. And I didn't want a persistent reminder of him.

Hi Ayelet --I have requested that the tech department remove this message and that request should be completed shortly. I apologize for this negative experience. Best, Jwed support

Sometimes they actually pay attention. Recently the site introduced an "age blocker" feature. If you activate it, people 20 years older (or younger, I suppose) can't contact you. Another of the myriad ways Ayelet makes the world so much better.

Better -- but not good enough.

To: support@jwed.com

Subject: Age filter

I am glad you finally instituted an age filter, but I believe we should be allowed to set our own parameters. Being contacted or viewed by a man who is 16 or 18 years older than I am is almost as disgusting as being contacted by a man who is 20+ years older than I am. Thank you!

This time I guess I'll have to try harder:

Hi Ayelet, thanks for your feedback. We’re still in the early stages of this filter, so it’s good to hear how our members feel about it. We are continuously making changes to the site in order to improve it, so I will certainly pass along your comments to management. However, it might also be a good idea for you to log this suggestion in our Collaboration Center (found under the “Community” page). That way, other members can view this suggestion and voice their support for it. Best, Jwed support

Mulling that one over.

Anyway, today I went into my mailbox and finally read through 9 months' worth of emails. Most were from wholly repugnant men -- otherwise I would have rejoined sooner -- but a few seemed more or less palatable. Or are they?

Geoffrey sent me two emails:

11/22/2011: Ayelet, You are so beautiful! well I must let you know that your profile on here is well placed. I am single and I am looking for a date that would lead to long term relationship. I have a caring and loving heart and am ready to love and be in love. I enjoy playing board games, I am fun to be with, kind and optimistic. I enjoy Cooking and sports. I am interested in getting to know you more and have a better understanding of you. If you don't mind, I will like to communicate with you and relocation to me means nothing. Do you know, true love knows no boundaries even though it crosses many and Where there is true Love, there are always miracles. My desire for you is and always shall be as pure as the tears of lovers in thrall. Because, love is when two people join together and make each other better people for having the other in their life and when there is true love, there are no regrets of the past. Thank you for reading and taking time to check my profile once again. To communicate with you further you can leave me a private email place and I promise to write back to you as quickly as possible, once I am less busy with home duties. Your new found friend, Geoffrey.

Hmmmmm.

11/27/2011: Hey! well I must let you know that your profile on here is well placed. I am single and I am looking for a date that would lead to long term relationship. I have a caring and loving heart and am ready to love and be in love. I enjoy playing board games, I am fun to be with, kind and optimistic. I enjoy Cooking and sports. I am interested in getting to know you more and have a better understanding of you. If you don't mind, I will like to communicate with you and relocation to me means nothing. Do you know, true love knows no boundaries even though it crosses many and Where there is true Love, there are always miracles. My desire for you is and always shall be as pure as the tears of lovers in thrall. Because, love is when two people join together and make each other better people for having the other in their life and when there is true love, there are no regrets of the past. Thank you for reading and taking time to check my profile once again. To communicate with you further you can leave me a private email place here is mine -----@yahoo.com do write me and I promise to write back to you as quickly as possible, once I am less busy with home duties. Your new found friend, Geoffrey

What his "home duties" are I couldn't tell you -- I don't remember what he wrote about himself on his profile, and he has since suspended it. But he left me his email. Judging from the messages he sent me, should I ignore him or reach out?

I heard from another gentleman who has since suspended his Jwed profile -- let's call him Julius.

Beautiful smile you have got.

I'm Julius. I like what I read on your profile and i think we do have a lot in common, and that's a good thing. It is very challenging to capture the interest of another just via words. There's one rule I live by and that's just being me, which I tried to capture in my profile.

Anyway, I won't waste your time with basics about me that you have read on my profile. I'd love to start a conversation, maybe we could chat a little, get to know each other and hopefully meet sometime. Here is my personal e mail address -----@gmail.com

Waiting to hear from you, and if not that you find someone cool.

Have a nice evening, Julius

I don't know the basics. He suspended his profile. Still, that's a remarkably eloquent and persuasive email. I think I'll send him something like:

Hey Julius -- remember Ayelet from Jwed? You wrote me a beautiful note back in August 2011 and included your email. I hope I'm not out of line contacting you now. If you're still available, I'd love to get to know you better -- and since you suspended your profile, I'd love to hear the basics ;)

If Jwed allowed us to read messages when we're not premium members, I think I would have rejoined and contacted Julius. Unfortunately, there are a few men who didn't leave me an email address and have since suspended their membership, so I can't contact them. Like this fellow:

i love the way you narrate everything about you... will really appreciate it if you can check out my profile for us to get to know more about each other

He likes my writing. A man of discernment and taste. Alas. Not in this lifetime, darling.

There are several guys who wrote me a while back and are still paying members, so I sent them responses. One wrote back to me less than 15 minutes later, but we're not really saying much. He says he owns a restaurant, so I'll call him Monsieur Restauranteur, or MR.

hi
love kids, so if you have children, that's a plus
good reason

That's all he wrote. I was confused.

Good reason for... ?

He clarified 20 minutes later:

I loved you noted that you love children
My name is MR and I'm looking for love 

Well, he certainly gets right to the point. I'm not sure how interested I am. He didn't go to college. But he appears to be gainfully employed, in good shape, and has children. And he's very interested, at least so far.

Are you also willing to have another child? I don't know if I'm able to have a baby, but I definitely want to try. 

If he can be blunt and to the point, so can I. We'll see what ensues.

I nicely declined another guy, who lives in Florida, doesn't keep kosher or observe any rituals, and just didn't seem like a good fit. I wrote back to two others, who haven't responded yet. And then there was a new guy, who just wrote me this evening:

i saw your profile and my eyebrows raised higher than a tower block... anyway i just wanted you to know that you look huggable from 60,000 miles away.. Hows your week been?

Let's call him UK Bloke, since he lives across the pond. I must say that he's visually very perceptive, as I am extremely huggable, but I'm not sure that's appropriate to trumpet in an intro email. Here is his self-description.

Highly creative and caring would sum me up. I design guitars in my spare time between which help bring in money on top of my day job. I have very creative roots. I love composing relaxing music too that gives me great pleasure. I gives life meaning. I'd like to exend my spare time with someone special in my life to be something special to the love I hope to find in my next partner - a meaningful relationship. There is a good heart here for the right lady. You know I am a doing sort of fella, which means I follow through with conviction. I enjoy social things, love squash and playing once a week, and now planning on toaning up more in the gym. I love BBQ's, enjoy laughter creating music, comedy the arts. I take the view "honesty is the best policy". I am flowing my thoughts to you, without a heap of emotional baggage. I am seeking to find a lady I can have quality time with and not just a TEXT only  [...]relationship. So... say hello and I will inspire you with something if your looking for the real anytime soon.

He is seeking:

A person who is currently single without too much emotional baggage. Someone who isn't agist or selfish. Comes over as honest as their profile. Seeking someone with a warm heart like me. I do not mind if you are shy or a little forward, it's good intention that i really value. Someone to connect with, share feelings, and build relationships with others as you will find me calm and decent even in the midst of conflict. Thanks for reading my profile, now it's time to get in touch with me if you think we click ;-) 

I really don't know what to make of UKB. Why is he so worried about "agist" women? Is he stalking 20somethings? Not sure if I'll respond to him.

Speaking of 20somethings, I got a message from 29yo Chad669 at 2:03am today, mere hours before I rejoined:

Hey, What's doing??

yes, i know i may be a little bit too young, but... I saw your profile and you sound interesting and you look REALLY GOOD!
Want to chat?
Where do u live in the city?????

Good night, Chad

I didn't take him too seriously.

I live in Manhattan. I'm flattered you think I sound interesting and look REALLY GOOD (you sweet talker, you!), but are we looking for the same things? I want to get married and have a baby.

Best, Ayelet

Apparently we aren't:

Hey Ayelet, good morning,

You wake up early... :)

and... regarding ur question... the truth is, i am not sure (Same things), but we still can meet, just for the fun... :)

any chance?

have a good day, Chad

No chance. I'll give him the response that message deserves. Silence.

So far there seems to be some activity crack-a-lackin'. I just wonder if this is Charlie Brown and the football all over again. I've been on Frumster/Jwed since its inception in 2000, and I'm still single. Am I just throwing good money after bad?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Blast from the past: Brooklyn Lawyuh

I got an email on FB from someone I dated long ago -- the Brooklyn Lawyuh, who thought I was exotic.

Hello Ayelet,

Please pardon the intrusion, but were you at Sharon's weekend at Teaneck this past Shabbat? BL

This past weekend there was another singles shabbaton. I had decided not to go and then got very sick, so it was a smart move on my part.

BL and I only have 3 Facebook friends in common, none of them really close. I have no idea where this email came from. He might have seen me in the Facebook group and thought I looked familiar. At first I thought I'd remind him that we went out in 2007 (Jeez... I have been single a very, very long time), but finally I just sent:

No -- I wasn't there.

Was curious to see how he would respond.

Thank you for responding Ayelet. Should you wish to connect on Facebook, I would be happy to hear from you. All the best, BL

Totally sounds like a lawyer. I sent him a friend request and wrote back:

Happy to connect. How did you find me?

Wondering if he knew who I was.

I was looking for someone that was at the event on Sharon's friend network. For whatever reason I did not have the opportunity to connect with this girl there. Your little pic looked a bit like her. So I thought maybe it was you and figured I have nothing to lose by taking a shot. Have a great day!  BL

Hmph. No idea who I am. But I guess we know that zaftig brunettes catch his eye.

So you don't remember that we went out several years ago?

It was five years ago; I guess all us brunettes start looking alike after a while.

No I don't. I'm sorry. Would you care to refresh my memory?

Delighted to.

We went to Darna. I think we were set up by Rochel and another matchmaker. You thought I looked "exotic."

Cued recall is easier than free recall. But I guess I didn't cue him hard enough.  

Hi Ayelet,

I'm so sorry, but I really don't remember. Do you remember what happened? May I ask, I'm trying to think of what I meant by exotic, could you describe yourself a bit? Hair color, eyes, height, thin or curvy, etc. Now that you broughit up, you've piqued my curiosity. 

Looking forward to hearing from you. Regards, BL

I'm pretty sure I'd remember any guy I went out with if he friended me on Facebook. Especially someone I went out with less than a decade ago. If I had anything else going on, I'd probably let it go. Since I don't...

Hi BL,

I'm not sure what I can say to help you remember. You said I looked Sephardic, and I told you I was Polish-German. I have long dark hair, very thick, dark eyes, fair skin, and I'm short and curvy. We didn't talk much about it, you just noted that I looked exotic when I got into your car (I think). I remember Rochel worked with your matchmaker to set up the date, but I don't remember her name. I live on the Upper West Side. At the time I was in social work school. I'm a social worker now. I think we talked about some mystical experience you had in relation to your late father but don't remember exactly what it was.

Ayelet

No response, but it's Purim. Wonder what he'll say. If anything. And not sure why I care. He wasn't anything special.

You may have noticed that I took some blog posts down. I'm not saying I was actually threatened with exposure unless I did so, but I took them down to prevent that from happening.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Swing and a miss, Jake

Got an email this afternoon:

Hi Ayelet. How've you been? Our friend, Chanan, is having a wine tasting this evening.. I'm sorry, I know it's short notice, but I was wondering if you'd like to go perhaps?

I'm not even answering him.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Do these menisci make me look fat?

I've had 3 sets of knee MRIs: September 2009, July 2010, and last week. Apparently the new doctor I consulted -- let's call him Dr. Zoom, because he thinks and speaks quickly and efficiently -- or the radiologist who read the films are much more detail-oriented than whoever read the first two. Dr. Zoom says I have abnormally thick kneecaps, and that's why I'm having so much pain. He says I was born this way. Even though I never had knee pain before the personal trainer butchered me.

I have to give him points for originality. Others have said, "It's runner's knee, it's jumper's knee, it's inflammation," but who could anticipate that I have thick kneecaps? You can't make that stuff up.

Well, Dr. Zoom wrote me a prescription for Tylenol with codeine, because the hydrocodone I have is just WAY too constipating. I hope it doesn't give me a Vicodin hangover. I'm trying not to take too many painkillers, but I have to walk 15 minutes to and from the subway station to get to work, and I have been climbing up and down two flights of stairs for four damn months because the elevator is out.

Yes, I have a commute that's well over an hour, because the subway station close to my clinic in Nowheres, Brooklyn is closed and I have to plunge further into Nowheres before I can exit the train. And I still have to be at work at 6:45 am. It fucking sucks. I asked the doctor if all the walking and all the stairs were doing actual damage to my knees. He doesn't think so, but I'm going to ask the surgeon tomorrow.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Trading acupuncture for mindfulness

So I was transferred to another clinic, which is located in a very remote part of Brooklyn. The commute is horrible, but the clinic manager is fair and sane, all the other employees are lovely, and the heroin users are just as awesome as at the other clinic.

I was sad that I had to stop volunteering as a detox acupuncturist Monday afternoons, at the needle exchange that's close to the other clinic. But now on Monday mornings I co-facilitate a group on mindfulness with the clinic doctor, who is even more awesome than the patients.

I joined a mindfulness therapy practice group through the New York State Society for Clinical Social Work. I wanted to follow up on the mindfulness therapy I underwent last winter and spring. Being able to practice at work as well as on my own time is a bonus. Almost makes up for not being able to stick pins into people anymore.

It's almost 3 am. I've got a stomach ache, because yesterday I had another set of knee MRIs. Last week I went to a new doctor recommended by a friend and he thought my right knee was swollen. It usually hurts just a little more than the left knee. And both of them have been hurting for a while because the elevator in my apartment building's been out since November 7, 2011. (Fucking management company...)

I didn't have time for lunch yesterday at work, and the MRIs weren't until 6, so I grabbed a late lunch/early dinner and wolfed it down in the waiting room, then lay down for about 50 minutes trying not to move or twitch. Forgot that I tend to have reflux and gastritis. Came home with a bad stomachache, took some Pepto-Bismol, felt better, felt hungry, had a late-night snack of banana and granola bar, woke up an hour ago with serious stomach pain. Sigh. But I have to say, I've been sleeping very well lately. This is the first night in a long time I woke up long before my and couldn't fall back asleep.

So thank God for small favors. No more acupuncture, but mindfulness. Sleeping better. Dealing with the awful commute, and I'm respected and appreciated by my new colleagues. On 2/15/12 I'm done with probation; then I can submit my LCSW application, I hope, and work toward accomplishing that licensure.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Salt, toxic, anxiety, flight

Last Tuesday, I decided to make roasted Brussels sprouts. While sprinkling salt over them, I noticed the salt container's bottom was swollen; it must have gotten wet. Unfortunately, I noticed this milliseconds before the bottom dropped off the container, dumping salt all over the olive-oiled sprouts. I rinsed them off and roasted them, but they were still excessively salty.

Wednesday morning I woke up wobbly and nauseated, and called in sick. After Googling "sodium chloride poisoning" a few times, I realized that I felt lithium-toxic, as if I'd taken too much lithium or gotten overheated in the sun. I called my psychiatrist, he said to skip my Wednesday evening lithium dose and let him know how I did. Thursday I felt a little weak and shaky, but well enough to work. Thursday night I took my regular lithium dose.

Friday I was ANXIOUS. For no apparent reason. Well, I was nervous because I had two sick days in early January (thanks to the integrated Traditional Chinese/Western Rehab medical practice I mistakenly thought would cure my knee pain), and didn't want to look like a slacker. I still have to get through probation (February 15!). But I did the best I could; I called in sick Wednesday morning, and I worked as hard as I could Thursday and Friday. I know that an uneven lithium level in the blood destabilizes mood. And unfortunately, I had signed up for a very expensive Shabbat dinner with an organization where I knew nobody.

I thought I would. They're called "Modern Jewish Connections"; I mixed them up with "JC Connections," which has organized dinners in the past that I've enjoyed, seen people I knew and met new people. But the JC Connections events are very structured -- rotating tables and hosts who make an effort to ensure everyone is included. MJC events -- from what I've seen, not so much.

The event was supposed to start with kabbalat Shabbat davening at 6 pm. When I arrived at 6:30, nobody was davening. And the crowd was young. Average age 27, I would guess. Everyone was sitting around chatting. I didn't know anyone, and I was too anxious to try to meet someone new.

Time dragged. MJC is affiliated with Chabad, which isn't renowned for punctuality. The rabbi introduced himself to me -- I'd emailed them asking for the exact address, which they didn't email around until 2pm on Friday, so he recognized my name. I tried to tolerate the anxiety, telling myself that after davening, when people sat down to eat, I'd be able to socialize with the people at my table. But there were no signs that davening would start soon.

I went into the bathroom and began deep-breathing, trying to ease the choking anxiety. It didn't really help. I felt like Norma Desmond, desperately trying to pretend a youth I didn't possess.

"Are you okay?" a voice asked. I turned around. A tall, slender 20something was standing by the mirrors.

"I'm not great in unstructured situations," I said. "I don't know anyone here, so I'm feeling a little anxious."

"That's okay," she said. "If it's any help, I think most of the people here don't really know anyone. You can be my friend. My name is Chaviva."

I appreciated that. But somehow we got separated during davening, which finally, finally started. When it was over, I hoped we'd quickly be seated.

Instead -- just more aimless milling around. I felt more and more desperately alone. I tried to control my face, worried I'd look distressed. It didn't work; the rabbi asked me if I were okay.

"I just don't know anybody here," I said. "I thought I'd know someone. I don't belong here." He was nice enough to let me out of my contract. Supposedly he's going to refund the $70 I paid. And I un-liked the JMC Facebook page, so I won't get any more invitations from them.

Only good part of it all was that I was too upset to eat much when I got home. I took a Klonopin, had an apple and some pistachios, and went to bed. Where I spent most of Shabbat today as well.

I've had bipolar disorder for more than 15 years, and I've been on the same medication cocktail for more than five years. I thought I knew how to handle myself and my errant brain. But clearly there are crises and surprises that hit when least expected. If anyone ever asks you, yes, I am definitely disabled by this illness. It's not just an inconvenience. It's a disability.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Hit the road, Jake

Jersey Jake finally got back to me today:

So sorry its been a while since Ive followed up. I had to rush to queens to help a friend that slipped on a train platform in philly & broke his arm by the elbow. Very painfiul + therapy.

Out of sight is not out of mind though. Howve you been?

I spoke to my friend Rochel, the dating coach, and she was as outraged as I was. Seriously, Jake? You take twelve days to respond to me AGREEING to have coffee with you? Did you break your arm on the train platform as well -- is that why you couldn't email me back?  

And he's been unemployed for more than two years -- maybe because he's a total flake?

I need someone reliable. Ivan the Terrible had one foot out the door for our entire relationship. He flaked on me, too. One day he's looking at houses and wedding halls with me, the next he's saying, "I realized on Tuesday that I do not want to be married..."  I can't do that again.

Jersey Jake has proven himself unreliable. I don't need the stress of wondering after every date whether he'll call, if we'll go out again, what he thinks of me. His little "out of sight is not out of mind" comment strikes me as highly manipulative. Please, don't lose interest, Ayelet, even though I haven't acted like I'm really interested in you! I'm really, really still interested in you! Really!

Not. I've blocked him on Facebook and email. This is the end of the road for Jersey Jake.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Jersey Flake

I know, it's been forever. Work has been very complicated, and I haven't wanted to blog about it, or anything else. I'm still debating whether to blog about a nice but decidedly odd man I went out with twice. But I wanted to update you on Jersey Jake.

Out of nowhere, apropos of nothing, JJ emailed me on 1/18/12:

Hi! I hope you are well. I should have followed up with you & sent this ages ago. I'm sorry I didn't. 

Would you like to have coffee sometime? 

Good shabbos, Jake

Well, better late than never, I thought. So I waited a day (as per The Rules), and wrote back:

Sure, I'd love to have coffee. When?

And... silence. According to The Rules, you shouldn't get entangled in long email exchanges. You should be friendly but brief and to the point, so you can move from email to phone to date.

But it's been four days and JJ hasn't responded. What's up with that??
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Attack of the 58yos on SuperTova

I'm getting too much attention on SuperTova from gross old men. First was a 59-year-old, who wrote me:

i am better then nothing try who knows

No, you're not better than nothing. I politely responded

no thank you

hoping he would leave well enough alone. But of course he didn't.

to bad for you not interested anymore bye

I recognize that's a pathetic inability to cope with reality. But I was disgusted and incensed, so I wrote:

I was never interested. You're a disgusting old pervert.

And I blocked him from contacting me and complained. SuperTova's CEO suggested I set my age blockers, which I tried to do and couldn't; as soon as I left the page it reverted to defaults. So I got an even more disgusting email:

U look great in red... but go to the gym daily, it will do only good to u...

What would do him good? A lobotomy? Rabbi Zohar suggested a response:

Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, once I lose the 5 pounds to attract you, you won't be able to lose the 18 years you have on me.

I just left it alone and blocked him, too.

This afternoon I got yet another contact from a 58yo. At least he didn't tell me he was better than nothing or give an opinion about my weight; he just sent me a Tova-Flirt, the site's version of a "Wink" or standardized way to signal interest. I blocked him immediately.

They say you get what you pay for, and SuperTova is free. I'm starting to wonder whether it's worth it. I have never gotten a date from it, just unwanted attention from disgusting men or disdain from attractive men who ignore my contacts. Maybe I should just delete my profile.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"