Sunday, August 06, 2006

Being single

Like many young orthodox Jews on the Upper West Side, I'm single and not particularly happy about it.

Quite honestly, I don't know what to do. I'm on a number of online dating sites, I go to shul and social events, and frankly I'm sick to death of looking. I know that being unmarried (and feeling hopeless about ever getting married) was a factor in my suicide attempt, but while I've had quite a bit of therapy to help me accept the less preferable possibility that I'll never get married, I still want to.

I really wish that the married couples I know would make more of an effort to introduce me to eligible singles. Unfortunately, few of them seem to have any inclination in that direction. And it's not because I haven't asked.

I also wish that more married couples would make more of an effort to invite singles over for Shabbos, because one thing I've never gotten used to is calling someone up and asking them to invite me. I do it, because otherwise I'd spend every Shabbos by myself, but I hate it. I've been to many couples for a Shabbos meal, but I'm always reluctant to call upon them again for another go. And if I wait for them to call... they won't.

If I ever do get married, I hope that my husband and I will take some time out of our busy busy lives to reach out to singles, hosting them for shabbos and trying to match them up with each other. I've tried to set up a few of my friends, but I feel like no one reciprocates the effort.

I wish I could end this post with something inspirational, witty, or insightful, but I can't. Right now I'm just sad and frustrated. I guess the good thing about a blog is that I can get these feelings out, alongside more useful or interesting material.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I agree with your assessment. But coming from the married side of the equation, I can say quite honestly that I don't have any decent male friends to offer. The 'normal' ones are already married. It's a fact (at least empirically) that there are far more high-quality girls available than guys. It's lamentable, but it's true.

    And although we had tons of singles for meals when we were first married, I can't invite singles over for shabbos anymore because our meals aren't relaxed, grown-up affairs anymore. And my wife would get pissed if I started inviting single girls over, regardless.

    On behalf of marrieds everywhere, I'm sorry. We'll work on ourselves. But don't be too quick to condemn us.

    Keep up the great work.

  2. I know exactly what you mean... I wrote a post about it myself (Titled, "Shabbos").