Friday, August 18, 2006

Dealing with rejection

Like many hopeful Jewish singles, I've put myself on a number of dating websites, hoping to find true love.

What I usually find -- or what finds me -- are men 20 or more years my senior checking out my profile. Even though I state clearly that I'm not interested in men more than 10 years older than I am. And they frequently send me messages, hoping against hope that I'll want them.

So on the one hand, I'm dealing out a lot of rejection. On the other, I've often found that my messages to men in my age range are ignored -- unread -- or unanswered. They can't take 2 seconds to hit the "tell so-and-so you're not interested" automatic message.

I see the guys I've contacted who never got back to me online all the time. This could mean one of two things:
  • They're too rude and/or picky to respond to most of the girls who contact them; or
  • The girls they do condescend to contact aren't interested.

Or both! It's amazing the number of men who describe themselves as menshes, sensitive, kind, caring, and/or considerate (or all of the above) and don't respond to first contacts.

This isn't a gender issue, though: there are plenty of people on both sides of the dating coin who are rude and inconsiderate. Sometimes I almost feel like giving up on online dating -- but to paraphrase Winston Churchill, online dating is the worst way to find your soulmate, except for all the others.

Dating is an activity full of opportunities for rejection. And for vulnerable people, that's difficult to deal with. It also seems that I'm only presented with opportunities that I'm not at all interested in -- just this week one shadchanit I know got a call from a Lubavitcher 12 years my senior, begging her to ask me to go out with him.

Meanwhile, the men I want are aloof to me. I don't think it's a case of Groucho Marxitis -- "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." And when I contacted that same shadchanit about a guy my age, she told me that he only dates women five years younger than he is.

That's even more frustrating than the weight issue. I can always lose weight, if I really put my mind to it, but I can't erase 10 years from my age. And it infuriates me that so many men are so locked into this ageist mindset. Including the decrepit geezers who keep e-mailing me. Especially those geezers. Why can't they date women their own age -- and leave me alone?
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"

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