Monday, August 21, 2006

Is a free dinner too high a price to pay?

Went to a sheva brachot for my ex Yishai and his child bride at a very fancy Manhattan kosher restaurant. Endured hearing "Im yirtze hashem by you!" (Gd willing, you'll get married too) a few times. I really hate hearing that, because most of the time it feels like Gd -- and everyone else -- doesn't care if I never get married.

I was feeling more fragile than usual because earlier that day I had to deal with a very annoying type: the frum guy on the online prowl for a booty call.

One website allows you to post a voice message, and since I did that, I've been getting many more visits to my profile. But I haven't noticed an increase in actual eligibles, and today's viewer was particularly pernicious.

I should have known he wasn't serious when he told me that my picture was sexy and that, while he is shomer shabbat and shomer kashrut, he's not shomer negiah -- i.e., he's sexually active. I told him that while I wasn't shomeret negiah, I preferred to wait a while and get to know someone before entering those waters. He assured me he felt the same way.

We had planned to go to brunch today, but I didn't hear from him. Then he sent me an instant message claiming that he had tried to call me but got a busy signal (unlikely, since -- like most 21st-century phone owners -- I have call waiting). I've given him a pseudonym to protect his anonymity.

Scumbag: ok,i tried calling this morning

Scumbag: but it was alkways busy

Ayelet: busy?

Ayelet: busy signal?

Scumbag: yes

Ayelet: that's so weird -- I've got call waiting

Ayelet: at least I'm paying for it

Ayelet: when did u call?

Scumbag: whatever -- do you like lamb?

Ayelet: sure

Scumbag: ever ate at Elijah's a nice rack of lamb?

Scumbag: or lamb chops?

Ayelet: never been to Elijah's

Ayelet: never even heard of it, is it in Brooklyn?

Scumbag: got dinner plans?

Ayelet: yes, I'm going to a sheva brachos

Scumbag: then Elijah is off

Ayelet: forever?

Ayelet: it's tonight or never?

Scumbag: nope

Scumbag: tommorow then?

Ayelet: tomorrow is fine

Scumbag: ok,so tommorow 6pm at elijah's?

Ayelet: sounds fine, where is it?

Scumbag: flatbush

Scumbag: know prison break?

Ayelet: seen commercials for it, never watched

Scumbag: ok,tommorow starts a new season

Scumbag: we can see that after dinner

Scumbag: i cant miss it

Ayelet: where r we goign to see it?

Scumbag: at my place or yours

Ayelet: not a good idea

Ayelet: I told u -- public places ONLY for the first month

Scumbag: i am a man of honor

Ayelet: u can take me to Elijah's on Tuesday when u don't have must-see TV

Scumbag: we can be on a deserted island and nothing wil lhappen

Ayelet: I am a woman of very weak will, and besides, I don't want u to see my apartment until u really like me

Scumbag: so my place then

Ayelet: no, I'm really not comfortable with that

Scumbag: fair enough

Scumbag: it seems to me that we are in different places in life now

Ayelet: ?

Ayelet: so I was right about u all along

Scumbag: i recenly broke up from a long relationship

Scumbag: and i dont really have much time for these things

Ayelet: whatever -- don't waste any more of my time

Ayelet: if you're not in this for tachlis, I don't have time for u

Scumbag: bye

Did he really think I could be bought for the price of a lamb dinner?

I don't know why I'm so disappointed, or even surprised. This isn't the first time a frum guy has made me an indecent proposal. But it was dispiriting to hear this from a guy who contacted me the day after my ex's wedding, a wedding at which I davened so hard. And to hear this right before the month of Elul, when all of us should be on our best behavior, especially toward others.

I guess being a sought-after sex object is better than not being desired by anyone for anything. But not much. I'm feeling so jaded and discouraged. The sheva brachot was lovely, but coming on the heels of this encounter, it made me feel like no one will ever see me as worthy of love and marriage -- just as a sexy body to be used and discarded.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I suppose I shouldn't be so shocked. But I don't usually have such things happening to me, nor do most men, I suspect. OK, NO man I know of has been propositioned on Frumster. A man probably wouldn't be too upset about that! There really are creeps out there.