Sunday, October 29, 2006

I miss the kids

Up since 3:00 a.m. -- I hate terminal insomnia. And I'm sick of studying, so I might as well blog about how much I miss my nieces and nephews.

I may have to swallow my pride and put up with Jerusha's rudeness and abuse, because I miss the kids so much. I need to see them.

I've been thinking about my oldest niece Malka's concept of olam haba -- the world to come, aka Heaven. She told me she learned in school that in olam haba, you can be any age you want to be, and you can look any way you want to look.

"So Aunt Ayelet, let's be 15, okay?" she said eagerly.

Hm. Adolescence was very painful for me, and 15 was not a very good year. However, in college I blossomed, and 19 was pretty good, although I experienced my first adult depressive episode and first (very mild) hypomania.

"Let's be 19," I suggested.

"But that's so OLD!"

"Trust me," I told her, "19 is better than 15."

"Okay," she said. "And we're going to have loooooooong hair -- down to our ankles. And we're going to be tall and skinny."

"And my hair's going to be red," I said. I've always loved red hair, although it wouldn't suit my complexion. I always thought that if I married a guy who really wanted me to cover my hair completely, I'd get at least one shaitel, and it would be red. If I had to wear a wig, I'd need to have fun with it.

But I digress. The main point is that my niece wants to be -- assumes she will be -- with me in olam haba. That's an enormous compliment; eternity is a very long time.

Nobody loves me more than they do. And as much as I love Tikva, I still need my nieces and nephews.

After I stormed out of the house motzei yomtov, got home, and unpacked my bags, I found a piece of paper that my little niece had put in my purse. She's just learning to write, and she had written on the page, several times, "Aunt Ayelet + Shira." Just looking at it makes me smile and feel a little sting of tears.

Sigh. I hate the thought of spending a weekend with Jerusha, but I miss the kids terribly. I don't know what to do.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. Awwww. That's so sweet. It's too bad that to see the kids you have to put up with seeing your sister, too.

    (Personally, I'll agree--15 was awful, 19 wasn't so bad.)