Friday, October 13, 2006

The political game

I can't believe how stupid I've been.

I didn't think about the fact that my evil lab TA -- who's apparently threatened by her inability to control me and make me act happy-happy-happy despite the fact that I'm not getting what I need to fulfill the requirements for the course -- works for the director of my program. The director who subsequently quizzed the faculty to see if everyone agrees with the TA that I contribute too much and my boundaries are too loose, and then sicced the deputy director on me. Because I'm not making nice with the TA who is not helping me, I've been blacklisted.

Apparently I don't have to just kiss Dr. Jerk's ass, I have to kiss the TA's ass too.

This is really putting a damper on my graduate experience. Is this what the world of psychology is like? A bunch of people so insecure to challenge that a strong personality is threatening? Is this what I want to have to deal with for the rest of my career?

They could drop me from the program. I have very little control over that. And I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do if they did.

Today I hung out with a friend from the program who was considerably appalled by my treatment at the hands of the faculty. She doesn't think my boundaries or contributions were inappropriate, and she was horrified that after only a month in the program, I had to sit through such a humiliation at the hands of the deputy director. We were also pissed that the director of the program, who acted sooooooooo considerate and sympathetic after I disclosed in colloquium, is now leading the hunt against me.

My friend advised me to talk to my adviser, which I'll do, and also another member of the faculty who seems warm and supportive. I've already had some dealings with the latter person when I was trying to get my transfer credits, and she was both nice and genuinely impressed by my previous studies. Maybe she doesn't see my boundaries as terminally loose.

It was great to have support from a classmate whose opinion I respect. She's very well-liked among our classmates, and she likes me. That was a relief.

Of course, then I had to talk to Jerusha after ignoring her all week and listen to her blame me for her rudeness. Apparently I'm so incredibly annoying that she can't help but belittle and mock me every time I stay at her house. I do everything wrong. It's all my fault.

Just goes to show that you can't rely on your family. I need to strengthen my ties with my friends and classmates and let them be my support. My family just can't do it for me.

And as much as it galls me, I'll have to make nice with little miss TA. Because she has more power than I do, and she's not afraid to abuse it.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Keep your eyes on the prize. Do what needs to be done to get there. Perhaps those in power are not intimidated. Perhaps they have their own agenda. Perhaps you don't need to be a challenger.

  2. That's just sick. Abuse of power is never pretty, but it's worst when you're on the receiving end of it.