Thursday, November 30, 2006


Only a few hours until I have to face the music. My heart is pounding. I'm going to take two tranquilizers half an hour before the meeting. I think even those who think I over-rely on tranks will cut me some slack this once.

Nechama comforted me yesterday at school. While she doesn't think the 4-on-1 meeting (aka educational gang-rape) is going to be pleasant, she doesn't think they're going to tell me I can't come back next semester. More likely, they're going to say that I'm doing better but I'm not there yet, and they're going to keep a close watch on me next semester to see if I can come back for the second year.

Radhika, another second-year who was sort of eavesdropping (Nechama and I were in the student lounge, and while we were on the lookout for evil faculty, we knew and trusted the students sitting close to us, Radhika and Ada), spoke up to offer advice and support. She told me that a friend of hers in the program survived a long, unpleasant meeting with Dr. Jerk by nodding, taking notes, appearing to take in everything he said -- and disregarding it as soon as she left his office. It was good to hear that I'm not the only student he tortures, and that the other students he torments are equally innocent.

My friend Yasmina rode the subway home with me and comforted me -- ever the optimist, she thinks the faculty wants to effect a reconciliation between me and Dr. Jerk, especially considering the positive interactions he and I have had these past two weeks. Tanessa called later that night and also expressed her support.

I also got a wonderful statement from Dr. CT:

Ayelet Survivor's performance in my Introduction to Cognitive Therapy class has been consistently enthusiastic, insightful, and candid. She routinely contributes informative comments on the class readings and lectures and often relates esoteric theoretical concepts to real-world and personal examples. Ayelet is humorous, collaborative, and appears generally interested in the material. She performed excellently on both assignments (A, Midterm Examination and A-, Case Conceptualization) and appears poised to garner a similar grade in the class.

She went out of her way to reassure me last night that I wasn't asking too much in requesting this statement, and volunteered to call Dr. Dragon and Dr. Octopussy to get a better sense of their problem with me. She has been truly wonderful.

I'm going to bring her statement into the meeting so that when I ask if Dr. Freud has reached out to the adjuncts for their opinion, I'll have something to point to. Dr. Stats gave me his cell phone number so that he can be called during the meeting to give his 2 cents and support. He has also been really wonderful.

I am truly lucky that the school knows how to pick good adjuncts, if not good tenured faculty. I would not be able to cope without their support, and without the support of my fellow students and friends.

The thing is, the faculty can't throw me out because they think I have loose boundaries. I haven't plagiarized. I'm doing well in all my classes, even Dr. Jerk's. My classroom demeanor is not flagrantly inappropriate, and I've only missed a few classes -- I'm not chronically late and I don't skip tons of classes. I don't chitter-chatter throughout class, unlike several of my fellow students.

They have no grounds for terminating me, and if they do, I'll not only file suit in civil court, I'll go to the American Psychological Association and the university administration and give them an exhaustively detailed report of how the faculty has abused me and ruined my career.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Ayelet,

    I am a new reader of your blog, and I can relate to your experiences in many many ways. I really hope your meeting goes well and I respect your gumption.


  2. I'm glad that Dr. CBT and Dr. Stats are being so nice; there's a silver lining to every cloud, right? At least the adjuncts are great, even if the permanent faculty is on a witch hunt. And you're right, they really don't have grounds to terminate you from the program. I hope the meeting goes well!

  3. Good luck... I think everything will be all right.