Tuesday, November 14, 2006

For the record: I am NOT a junkie

Several readers (this means you, Mom and Dad) have commented on what appears to be my liberal overuse of tranquilizers.

I would like to set the record straight: I am not abusing this medication. I do not treat it as a recreational drug. I don't take it when I'm a little sad or annoyed; I take it when I'm exceedingly upset. I don't need it to go to sleep at night. I don't take it every day; the most I take it is twice a week, even though the prescription is for twice a day.

And I only took three tranquilizers that day because I was under exceptional stress, which people with bipolar disorder tend to have a LITTLE trouble tolerating. This is why I take a handful of capsules, tablets, and supplements every night, and this is why I sometimes need a little extra help in the form of a tranquilizer.

I shlepped out to Queens to test someone who didn't have the courtesy to tell me she was still out of town. This put my ability to complete an important assignment in serious jeopardy. Then I had to go to my sister's house because I desperately needed to see my nieces and nephews, and that really amped up the stress. Right now, just being in the same room with my sister is almost as unpleasant as being in the same room with Dr. Jerk.

(I've noticed that on days when I have class with Dr. Jerk, my appetite is markedly decreased. I'm glad to be losing weight, but sitting through two hours of him is torturous. At least I'm still able to eat at my sister's house. And no, I didn't finish the mango slices.)

I didn't think I'd be able to be polite to Jerusha without a little chemical help. Because she usually doesn't bother being polite to me. Or honest. And that is stressful. I needed some chemical support to deal with the dearth of emotional support that an encounter with my sister provokes. She drains my equanimity. I needed to replenish it.

So to everyone who's afraid I'm becoming addicted to these tranquilizers: Please calm down. Have a clonazepam.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. Of course you aren't a junkie! We all care about you very much. Keep us posted about little Marty.