Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I'm down

Last night I was supposed to see Slava's Snowshow with a friend who was given free tickets, and I backed out. I pretended to have a stomach bug. In reality, I just didn't think I'd enjoy it; I'm not in the mood. It seemed like too much effort to shower, get dressed, and take a bus and a subway to Union Square.

I know I'm not feeling as badly as I have in the past, when I avoided people altogether -- I was out and about all Shabbos. But when I don't have low-key plans, I'm moping at home.

The lawyer Eric recommended to me can't help me. I don't know whom else to turn to. My sister's husband is a lawyer, but I hesitate to impose on him; our relationship is cordial but not really affectionate. Although apparently when I was in a coma he felt terrible, and wanted to hire a private detective to see if there was a man at the root of my sorrow. (There wasn't.)

I thought about offering them a weekend of babysitting so they could go away for Shabbos, or just for one day and night. That would include walking the dog (and picking up after her), but I guess I could handle that. I certainly could handle the kids.

But I don't feel like making that call. Just like I don't feel like calling my rabbi to see what's doing with the university higher-ups. Or calling my former stats professor to beg him to complete the online recommendation for the social work program I tried to apply to.

I did call Little Marty, after not hearing from him for six days. I don't know what I was expecting. He was very distant -- didn't ask when he could see me again. I was hoping he would, so I could tell him he couldn't. But the topic didn't arise. We talked about his job, his daughter, and his divorce. Not about us.

I suppose I should be grateful that he's drifting away; it makes my resolution easier to maintain. And I've been hearing from several gentlemen -- more than usually write to me on those dating sites I love to hate. Unfortunately, one of them is in South Africa, and another is in Australia. The third, The Teacher, lives in the NYC area. He's quite frum -- calls himself "yeshivish." I am not yeshivish, I am modern orthodox. So the religious level doesn't seem compatible.

But Gd achieves miracles through indirect means, and I'm trying to be more open to more kinds of men. It would be too much to ask for Him to send me a guy who perfectly fits my ideal dating profile: close to my age, a professional making good money, very modern but very spiritual, handsome, fit, sensitive, respectful, yada yada yada. I guess I'll call The Teacher tonight and see why he was attracted by my profile, and whether he thinks women should work outside the home or stay at home with kids. (That's a non-negotiable.)

Also whether he thinks girls should learn gemara. I once dated a really nice, funny, smart guy, who was just too frum for me. He believed that since the gemara said you shouldn't teach your daughters gemara, they shouldn't learn it. I know plenty of men who disagree with him, but he was steadfast on that point, and it was really representative of a whole host of other incompatible points between us. So it didn't work out; I want my daughters, if I have any, to learn gemara. I guess we'll see what The Teacher thinks, and take it from there.
Copyright (c) 2006 "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. Honestly, girls are better off not learning gemara (or at least learning everything else first), unless they really want to. I spent over a decade sweating over gemara in Yeshiva; with the result that I can now (theoretically, anyway) hack my way through a piece of gemara, but have no conception of ancient Jewish history, navi, etc. and a basic, but likely proprietary, understanding of chumash. Better to get the grounding in the basics first, as is what girls already do, and then learn gemara.

    I've actually come around to a feminist outlook, or am at least OK with it conceptually. A year ago I dated a woman who was a staunch orthodox feminist- halachic egalitarianism- who was into women davening for the tzibur (certain tefilos) and getting aliyot in a combined minyan. Not having grown up that way I was uncomfortable with it, but after doind a bit of research, and being somewhat the Orthodox counterculturalist that I am, I am OK with it.

    Sorry to hear you're down... I've been where you are, and it's wrenchingly difficult, but it will get better.