Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year

I'm usually a little sad on New Year's -- not sure why, unless it's because I feel especially single. The whole kiss-at-midnight thing, I suppose. I should have been happy to bid 2006 farewell -- not much good happened that year. I was laid off abruptly and rudely from a job I'd held for five years, I only got into one of the doctoral programs I applied to, and we all know how that turned out. If nothing else, 2007 has to be better by default.

I guess I have the sense that time is passing but my life is not progressing. I'm no closer to being a clinician than I was in September. If anything, I'm further from my goal, since I have to start all over at a new school -- assuming I get into one.

I had a decent time with my friend Chaya, going to a few (free) parties. I got in some good dancing, although it left me sore and stiff all day yesterday. But I felt kind of invisible most of the night. Apparently the interest I excited in a few random people the previous night was not very generalizable -- I wasn't paid much attention, except of course by Chaya, who's always incredibly supportive and loving.

But I still have a shot with JG -- even though he's probably a good five years younger than I am. (Which Chaya doesn't think should matter. I hope it doesn't.)

I did go on a very dreary date with the Very Frum Guy, who is 42 and looks 46. And isn't much fun. We spent an hour talking about the development of his nascent radio career, which apparently has left him significantly in debt -- just what every woman wants to hear -- and the sorry state of nursing homes, in one of which his father resides and in another of which his mother died, slowly and uncomfortably. I was not at all attracted him, he looked way too frum (and too old), and I just didn't enjoy talking to him. After a tortuous hour, I had to say, "Well, good luck with everything -- I have to get going."

His face fell. "So -- I guess you're not interested in getting together again."

"I'm sorry. I just don't see it." I fled.

I wondered if I really gave him a chance -- especially since I'm saying tehillim for 40 days and focusing on marriage even more than I usually do. But at some point, dating can't be so much of an effort. If you really don't enjoy someone's company, there's no hope.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

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