Sunday, January 28, 2007

Reinforcements

I'm still struggling with this damn depression. I'm getting by, barely. It's very hard to function. I spent the entire weekend in my apartment, and now that it's getting late, I'm dreading tomorrow, when I start my internship. Adolescents. Oy. I hope I can manage.

It's really hard to write right now, so hard to concentrate, but I want to talk about the props I'm getting from my fellow students. This is important, because I feel abandoned by my fellow students at The Bad Place. Only one of them has called or emailed to see how I'm doing; I think another one reads this blog and comments from time to time. The others -- nothing. Makes me feel radioactive.

So I'm really chuffed, as the Brits say, to be on the receiving end of a lot of flattering attention from my current classmates. Three in particular -- two twentysomethings, Leslie and Sonya, and a fiftysomething, Carly. All female, although there are a substantial number of men in my class. (Substantial compared to my class at The Bad Place, where men were barely 10% of the population; here they're about 25%.)

Leslie and Sonya both share my interest in psychology, and approached me, separately, to discuss some issues. I wish I could give a better description of what went down, but depression interferes with short-term memory; I was unable to remember specifically what we discussed. But it is flattering to be sought out and listened to, avidly. Of course, my knowledge of psychology isn't encyclopedic, but we've had some good discussions. It makes me feel like I'm connecting with people and I'm liked. Positive reinforcement.

Carly approached me the day after the psychiatrist's lecture and told me how my eloquence during the Q&A impressed and intimidated her. Carly raised twin boys as a single mother and worked two full-time jobs -- waitress and something else, can't remember right now. I'm mighty impressed by her. But she came up to me to compliment my speaking up in public.

I was thrilled to know that despite the depression, I'm still in some control of my faculties. And thrilled that people didn't think I was showing off.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad that you are happy at school. Hope your positive academic experiences can get you over the hump. Meanwhile, I hope you've told your psychiatrist how awful you are feeling! Maybe there's something he can do.

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