Thursday, February 15, 2007

Depressed mind in a depressed body

Saw Dr. R today, and he felt that my latest depression was the result of me getting overwhelmed while dealing with the recent annoyances that blighted my life these past few weeks -- waiting for my internship to start, being uncomfortable about having to take a physical (and disclose about my disorder), trying to get my health insurance accepted so the school wouldn't force me to buy more insurance, trying to stop fantasizing about Little Marty (and failing), and adjusting to the difference between psychology school and social work school.

It's like my body just shut down, and I couldn't function mentally or emotionally. My body includes my brain.

I've been stuck in mind-body dualistic thinking, instead of looking at myself as a unity. We've been studying this construct in one of my classes -- and now I'm living it. "It's an artificial division," said Dr. R. "Mind and body are one. What affects the body, affects the mind."

Evidence of this was an accompanying symptom this episode: constipation. I usually don't have a problem with regularity, because I love fruit and vegetables. But I've had a real problem these past few weeks. The digestive tract has serotonin receptors -- just like the brain. Before my suicide attempt, I went through months of nausea and gastric pain. Again: it's not mind-body, but mindbody. Your brain and your gut operate in tandem.

So I was shutting down mentally and physically. And now I'm recovering. We're not changing the medications, because it wasn't a medication failure. But I really need to relax and take a LOT of things more easily.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

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