Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Take my husband -- please

"Can you cover your mouth when you cough?!" snapped Jerusha, as I washed the dishes her kids had left on the table. (They also left me that cough. Shira has strep and Oedipus has a cold -- and now I've got something in my throat and sinuses.)

"I'm washing dishes," I said.

"You're coughing on the dishes!"

"I'm not coughing on the dishes, and my hands are wet. There's just no pleasing you," I said.

"Welcome to my life," deadpanned my brother-in-law.

Enough with the spouse-bashing, married people! Yesterday we went to another home for a play date. I like the mom of the family, who is warm and very genuine. She always asks me how I'm doing and if I'm dating anyone, but not in a yenta-ish way.

But she and my sister got into such a round of "my idiot husband"-ing. My husband wants this and such. My husband needs SO much attention. It's like having another child -- a much bigger, much crankier child. Blah, blah, blah.

I would LOVE to have a husband to complain about. I know they didn't mean any harm, but it was incredibly painful. They completely take their husbands for granted, and because they married young, they have no concept of how agonizing it is to be alone for years, and to wonder if you'll be alone for the rest of your life.

A few years back I saw a shul friend of mine at shalosh seudos and asked him how he was doing. "Terrible," he said. "My wife took a nap, and my kids were getting in my hair all afternoon."

"Be glad you have kids to get into your hair," I said, "and hair for your kids to get into." And that's how I feel now. Well-meaning or not, I'm so sick of married people who unconsciously flaunt their marriages. They have no idea what it's like to be single.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I think i'm guilty of that, on occasion, and I've certainly been guilty of it over the years. I apologize.

  2. It's not flaunting, it is dealing with their reality. Any set of circumstances has elements to complain about, and elements to enjoy. Would I trade places with you and be single and childless at 37 instead of married with 4 kids? I don't honestly know. Some days it seems tempting. But what I do know is that I can't go back. I can only make the best of what I have, and that includes bonding with my friends over the trials and tribulations of being married. And don't you get it -- to many, the trials and tribulations outweigh the perks, so stop being so envious!