Monday, May 14, 2007

How to shop when you're hypomanic

  1. Decide that you really need something very specific, like brown wedge leather sandals, a multicolor pearl illusion necklace, or plum liquid eyeliner of a particular brand. (This is the easiest step. When you're hypomanic, you need everything.)

  2. Resolve to find the absolutely lowest price for the item.

  3. Browse 15-20 different stores to try to find the item.

  4. Give up on finding the item in the real world. The real world does not understand you and your needs.

  5. Go online to search the web for the lowest-priced item.

  6. Decide that you will not pay shipping; disqualify all shopping sites that don't offer free shipping.

  7. Enjoy the thrill of the hunt as you search for the item.

  8. Find the item.

  9. Fall in love with it. It is perfect. It is everything you have ever wanted.

  10. Mull whether you really still absolutely need the item. Determine that you do.

  11. Put the item in your shopping cart.

  12. If there's a minimum order amount you need to spend in order to qualify for free shipping, spend some more time finding other items you absolutely need and add them to your cart until you reach the prescribed amount.

  13. Look over the items in your cart, knowing that you absolutely must have all of them and that only having them will make you truly happy; nothing else will.

  14. Exit the site. If you're shopping at 5 a.m. because you have terminal insomnia, don't forget to take your morning lithium.

Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

2 comments:

  1. ok, this is a response to some past posts.

    i think you're beautiful at the weight you're at. besides, it's a known thing that sephardim/arabs like zaftig women. (my slim, turkish grandfather married a huge ashkenaz woman.)

    start celebrating yourself! men like women who are confident about themselves, no matter what size they are. and hey, don't you and i both know a plus-size princess who just got married?

    all this being said, i also have my flags up about your arabisher man. he sounds too slick, saying he's shomer negia but offering to give you hugs, etc. also, the age difference is too great. i'm not into the older woman, younger man thing. he's looking for a mommy. you need a man to take care of YOU, not the other way around.

    and here's another thing. how come you're going out with the accountant when you're still busy with mr. 1001 nights? won't this be emotionally confusing? i know we're coming from different hashkafas, but still!

    anyway, just my .02.

    p.s. i am also a hypomanic shopper. could this be a sign of mental illness? just today i was walking through a store, mumbling in my head, "no no no, you don't need any of this stuff...."

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  2. Thanks for the input -- definitely appreciated. I was initially concerned about the age difference, but he appears to be pretty mature and stable. Only time will really tell. You're not the only one, however, who thinks he's a little too slick -- so I've definitely got my eyes wide open.

    And you're only hypomanic if you yield to impulse and buy 700 CDs or 20 pairs of shoes or 20 karaoke cassette tapes (and you don't have a karaoke machine). Wanting things is normal; buying too many of them is (hypo)manic.

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