Monday, May 28, 2007

Raised by wolves

It's time for me to share some of the outrageous things I've read on dating profiles -- or, worse, been sent by men with no discernible manners, boundaries, or judgment. My comments are italicized, and their profile names have been changed to reflect their personalities.

Fat Nazi I have very few requirements in my list. I do get grossed out by fat. I do not expect you to have a spectacular figure, but I don't want someone overweight by current medical standards either.

Selfish and Easily Threatened I am searching for a kind, gentle, highly intelligent woman. A woman who is demure, rather than "loud." A woman who believes that the joy of being in a relationship is in the GIVING rather than in the RECEIVING. Arrogant, self-centered, stuck-up, gold-diggers need not respond!!

Reallybadwriter here is a poem to initiate contact,

Colors send a message of emotion,
That relaxes the tone of our souls,
Their beauty releases the hidden sanity,
Which enables us to continue to remain.
If they all unite,
Come together as one,
Then the pain we experience,
Will change from some to none,
Colors create an opening,
We now can breathe.

Copyright (Reallybadwriter)

I can’t breathe... I’m laughing too hard... did you actually think I'd try to steal that?

You've Gotta Be Kidding A Jewish Angelina Jolie wouldn't be bad, except she must be more right wing politically. She will take good care of herself both mentally and physically. Intelligent, honest, caring, and assertive are qualities that I look for in a woman. Not whiny, annoying, spoiled, or a constant complainer.

That's an awful lot for an overweight, balding, divorced guy in his late 30s, with more than one kid, to ask for.

Saturday Night Fever I'm an extremely young 46 -- most people think I'm mid-30s.

Well, your hair looks young. That reminds me -- Tony Manero called. He wants his look back.

WAY WAY WAY TMI I love to laugh at my own stories. Sometimes I laugh so hard, I need to RUN to the bathroom and we're not talking #1! We're talking #2 with a bracha. Last girl I dated, never called me. But at the end of the day, I dumped her.

Among other things.

AT 56 I SHOULDN’T BE SO PICKY Priority to have own family. This is what I am looking for: Height (between 5.5"- 5.11"), slim, high cheek boned facial features with great smile :)

She better have a fine cheek, Jerry...

Taker Not a Giver What kind of character, personality should a women possess before she should consider marriage? What talents should you gain before becoming a wife and then a mother?

Men are asked... what "kind" of women is right for me? And we answer... kind, sweet, thoughtful, patient, long suffering, and not argumentative. A women who can show love, respect, admiration and devotion to her husband, no matter what "emotional drama" is being played out in her life. Meaning being consistent in her devotion and love.

Think about these things.. and then answer, am I as a women ready in character to love a man? If you are, great... for men need women like you to change the world for the better.

And the world needs men like you to get vasectomies.

Tall and fabulously wealthy (48) divorced, with more than one child... occupation: modest job... seeking kind, caring, deeply spiritual, fun loving, balabusta who is on the TALL side (5FT6 to 5FT10) nurturing, kind, ages 24 till 34 years old and wish to have children... a caring and good hearted woman with a sense of HUMOR...

She’d have to, to marry a divorced guy twice her age who lies about his income in his screenname!

Ish Anav It's hard to describe myself without sounding too arrogant but here goes. I'm an extremely intelligent intellectual, a born leader, but also very sensitive, a good listener, and people I've been involved with in the past have generally walked away calling me their best friend. I'm adventurous (I was almost a spy), energetic, and have a great sense of humor.

Not hard. Impossible!

Mr. Spock (49) single (never married) i am very youthful ipso facto seeking a younger shidduch

Abracadabra! Sorry, but it isn't logical to expect that a younger woman will "ipso facto" want to marry you.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

4 comments:

  1. this is great! i laughed. just wondering though, do you think some of these fall prey to the "flat" online communication that i blogged about?

    p.s. tony manero wants his look back! yahoo!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some of these comments are "flat," but some are positively tone deaf. Especially the very picky old guys.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh dear. What planet are these people from?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That poetry was worse than Vogon poetry.

    ReplyDelete