Sunday, June 03, 2007

Washed out of my hair

Funny thing happened. During yesterday's long summer Shabbat afternoon, while I was lying at home pretending to read one of my textbooks, I started thinking about sex. Not with Little Marty -- with the Arabian Knight.

That was surprising to me, so I actually tried to imagine being intimate with LM. And I couldn't. In my mind, when he approached, I pushed him away. And I was craving the Knight. (It helped that in fantasy he did exactly everything I like; I have no idea how he'd be in reality.) I'm not sure when the switch occurred, but apparently LM is out of my dreams and out of my hair, and the Knight is in.

The Knight has been pretty busy lately -- signing a lease for his new apartment, teaching, tutoring, etc. He hasn't had as much time to IM or call me, and we haven't seen each other since before Shavuot, so maybe his absence is making my heart (and other parts) grow fonder. I did tell him I felt a little scared at how intense things were getting, so he might have backed off strategically.

Of late the Knight has also been very supportive, especially after the latest unpleasant interview. And I find myself liking him a lot more. He's really patient and kind when I'm in a bad mood, and these days that's where I've been.

I'm so happy I no longer want Little Marty. At all. And I'm glad I feel closer to the Knight. But it's probably going to make shmirat negiah a whole lot more difficult.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

No comments:

Post a Comment