Sunday, July 01, 2007

Am I desperate or decompensating?

A "yeshivish modern" equity trader wrote to me on a dating website. For those who don't speak Frummish (the jargon -- part English, part Hebrew, part Yiddish -- that orthodox Jews use to communicate with one another), that means he's a lot more religious than I am. In general, people who identify as yeshivish are a lot more conservative and traditional than those who identify as modern orthodox, as I do. I couldn't find a good definition of "yeshivish" online, but I did find a pretty funny take-off on Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck" routine. (You might not get the jokes unless you're actually familiar with the orthodox world.)

Anyway -- he fits my toxic type perfectly. Not overly tall, sandy hair, somewhat large head, swimmer's build, divorced. In other words, gorgeous and irresistible to Ayelet.

But: Yeshivish modern? Off the top of my head I can think of 10 things we won't have in common. I want my daughters to learn gemara, and he probably won't be comfortable with that. I want to have a TV and an internet connection in the house, and he probably doesn't. I like movies and Broadway shows; he probably is concerned about kol isha. I wear sleeves above the elbow and skirts above the knee, and he probably doesn't approve of that. Probably wouldn't appreciate the fishnets -- or bare legs, sandals, and anklets -- that I sport, either.

I am looking forward to a demanding career. He might want a stay-at-home wife. I don't restrict myself to cholov yisroel foods, and he probably does. This means he won't eat Hershey's, Ben & Jerry's, Entenmann's, and other foods that I regard as perfectly kosher. (Although I should be off Entenmann's more or less for life, after gaining 20 pounds from it.)

Shouldn't I take Boaz' advice and avoid guys like this? There are so many reasons why this could not possibly work. And yet... it's not just that he's hot. He's also literate. And he's exactly my age, not 9 years younger or 20 years older. So seldom does a guy like that show interest in me and write something like:

Excellent post, well written, eye-catching (despite the blinding absence of a snapshot), intriguing (not bad for a girl, lol), and engaging.... drop a quick peek at my profile if you can spare the seconds and please do chime in if anything there resonates.... all the best, Yehuda Menachem.

"Resonates"? When did I last hear that on a dating website? Never, that's when. But wait...

"Not bad for a girl"? Curious as to what you mean by that.

I only show my photo to men who prove themselves worthy ;) Unfortunately, I might have a few too many "liberal" opinions for you.

Yehuda Menachem (YM) said in his profile that he wasn't interested in "liberals." While I consider myself moderate, others -- notably G.I. Josh -- have begged to differ.

lol.... "who prove themselves worthy"? Curious as to what you mean by that, actually, skip it, I know what you mean! (though would like to know if by 'liberal' our definitions coincide...)

By "nbfoag" I simply meant that after perusing the many profiles, most of the bio's were laden w/cliche's, predictable idioms, and benign common courtesy's.... nothing new or revealing into the person, the character.... Your profile by contrast was crafted w/distinction and originality, hence the compliment. May I suggest you perfect the picture by using a slightly less aggrandizing word than "worthy", lol, (too self serving if you know what I mean)....

I am such a sucker for men who use polysyllabic words correctly, even if they can't manage to use grammatical plural forms.

Okay, I take your point. I haven't read any women's profiles on this site, so I guess mine could shine by comparison ;) I'm also glad you gave me more of a sense of what you liked about my profile. Most guys write something like:

"nice profile... can I see ur pic pls..."

I don't show my picture to a guy unless he can articulate why he liked my profile. Since you did, I'll give you my password: XXXXX.

What I meant by "liberal" is that I have some very liberal opinions. I don't believe the death penalty is imposed in a race-impartial manner, for example; too many studies have shown a strong relationship between defendant race and whether a death sentence is applied. I'm getting a master's in social work, which is an EXTREMELY liberal environment. On some issues, such as Israel, I'm more moderate or conservative. You just said "No liberals" in your profile, so I wanted to let you know that I do have some liberal opinions. I'm not a Hitchens fan, although I appreciate some of Buckley's oeuvre.

How many kids do you have?

The next post blew me out of my chair:

As it happens, R. Moshe has quite a long "teshuva" on the death penalty and its employment outside of Sanhedrin jurisdiction. While there is no room for doubt re its mandate and enforceability, its applications many times are questionable and suspicious. If there is ever any doubt ever as to the veracity of guilt, it is forbidden to execute. I think it's fairly obvious that many death row convicts are either innocent or convicted (even if guilty) on extremely specious evidence, esp. when it pertains to minorities. Acc. to Torah Law for ex. if 1 innocent gets mixed into a batch of 100 guilty's, and it cannot be determined who is the innocent, they're all set free.....(sorry for getting pedantic). Glad you appreciate buckley, he's one of a kind! Nice picture. 5 kids, w/mother, have them twice a month on Shabbos...

Five kids? FIVE KIDS?????????

After I peeled myself off the ceiling, I wrote back:

I usually don't mind pedantic. So we agree on one issue. That's something.

5 kids?? That's quite a pack. How old are they?

I guess I didn't convey too much shock and horror, since he wrote back calmly:

lol, great glad about that at least.... Kids are 5,6,7,9, and 12....heck of a pack esp the 3 little ones (boys)....2 eldest in sleep away month of july, all going to Israel w/their mother month of august...

Hmmm. I decided that I wasn't going to learn enough about him trading emails like this, and decided we should speak on the phone. YM's supposed to call me tonight; if he does, I'll report back on the conversation.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Since when did I give you advice about avoiding the toxic type? I'm not one to advocate judging anybody based on head size and body type. Then again, past experience can influence future performance.

    On a side note, I cannot STAND the apostrophes for plurals. Can't stand it. Makes my skin crawl. Shoots my blood pressure through the roof. URGH.


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  3. January 8, 2007: Boaz and I were discussing SB, who called last night to say he's REALLY busy these days, and simply doesn't have time to get together. Right.

    I told Boaz that SB resembled other (recently) divorced guys I've dated with remarkable lack of success, and he said, "Now you know what to watch out for."