Friday, July 06, 2007

Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered

That's how I feel after my first date with Hude.

He is as gorgeous, to me, as his pictures portended. (Although I think he's lying about his height in his profile, but I like short guys, so that's actually a plus.) And he's definitely a lot more frum than I am. This mandates a lot of negotiation.

My adorable classmates noticed that I was dressed up a little more than usual and teased the reason out of me (after class, I had therapy with Dr. Roda and then met Hud for our date). A bunch of them wanted to know who he was, how we met, what I thought about him, how the date went, etc. I ended up posting in our Google group, which I started so we can keep in touch after we graduate:

By popular demand, I'm letting you all know how my date went.

He is very bright, very funny, and very different from me in some ways, but very similar in others. He complimented my attire, appearance, and manicure, which I appreciated. There was a TON of chemistry. But there were also some... well, I called them arguments, and he called them discussions. He has some opinions that I really don't like. I have some opinions that he really doesn't like. We come from very different backgrounds, so there's a lot to negotiate. He is fascinated by my chosen profession (forensic social work) but also kind of scared by it.

All I know is, we're definitely going out again.

What I didn't tell them are the things that bother me the most:
  • He smokes. Less than a pack a day, but still. Of course, he exercises and I don't. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't have bipolar disorder.
  • He used the word "shvartze" and didn't think it was derogatory, just descriptive.
  • He's a big fan of Oscar Wilde, but thinks that homosexuals are sick, like people who practice bestiality.
So I don't know. I found myself wanting my frum friends to meet him, because I'm definitely distracted by his charisma and my loneliness. I want to know if he's reasonable-frum or WAAAAAAAAAAAY too frum.

But he thinks I'm attractive, and we're going out again. More than that I don't have to worry about right now.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I'm frum, and I don't think homosexuals are sick. There are plenty of bona-fide frum rabbis who agree. I'd discuss this with him further--if you haven't already--and have him defend his assertions.

    Also - I'm not impressed by the smoking, either. It seems to be standard operating procedure among brooklyn guys, but still, it's wrong.

    Maybe you can compromise, and he'll give up smoking in exhange for you rocking a "God hates fags" tee shirt? :)

  2. Don't be too quick to judge. My DH of nearly 10 years smoked when we met. I didn't know until we had been dating awhile. He promised me he'd quit before we had kids, and he weaned himself off gradually, finally stopping totally between kid #1 & kid #2.

    The Torah equates bestiality and homosexuality, so whether such people are "sick" or "weak" or "alternative", there is strong reason to put them in the same category.

    BTW, I think divorced w/5 kids at our age is reasonable, and for you to be a stepmom is more reasonable than a grandmom! But pay attention to how he talks about his ex, and what he claims led to the divorce.