Thursday, July 19, 2007

What a difference a lawyer makes

My brother-in-law finally got around to writing that letter to the VP of Academic Affairs at the university of which The Bad Place is a part. And it was worth the wait.

Dear Dr. Bureaucrat:

I am writing on behalf of Ayelet Survivor, who was enrolled in your university's Bad Place in the Fall of 2006.

Miss Survivor enrolled in The Bad Place in September, 2006 and was effectively dismissed in December, 2006. Miss Survivor was treated poorly by various Bad Place faculty members during her brief enrollment there. In brief, and without belaboring the various details, in Miss Survivor's view the Bad Place faculty acted rudely and inconsiderately, did not account for Miss Survivor's disability, and made inaccurate statements about her behavior and state of mind. No doubt your faculty have differing views on the matter, and I am not writing to reopen any debate on the merits of this unfortunate episode. Miss Survivor has now moved on to another program, is doing very well, and would like to put this experience behind her.

To that end, I am writing to ask you to confirm that your university and The Bad Place will keep Miss Survivor's records sealed until they are disposed of in accordance with your Records Retention Policy, will keep such records confidential, and will not disclose them to any third parties without Miss Survivor's explicit written permission. This includes any and all emails and other communications Bad Place faculty members had with one another regarding Miss Survivor as well as with Miss Survivor herself. As I'm sure you can appreciate, the release of any such records to third parties, which we contend contain inaccurate allegations and assessments about Miss Survivor, would likely cause damage to Miss Survivor and her reputation. Similarly, we seek confirmation that the Bad Place faculty will not discuss Miss Survivor or their inaccurate views on her with third parties.

In addition, given the nature of the dispute between Miss Survivor and The Bad Place, we believe it would be appropriate for The Bad Place to provide a partial refund of the tuition paid by Miss Survivor, in exchange for which Miss Survivor would release The Bad Place from any liability associated with her treatment there.

I would appreciate the courtesy of your reply at your earliest convenience.

I knew there was a reason Jerusha married him. I must have left 20 messages for Dr. Bureaucrat, and he never once tried to return my call. Nothing gets done in this country without a noisy protest, and lawyers are better than anyone at making a threat sound perfectly reasonable.
Copyright (c) 2007 "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. Niiiiice letter. Lawyers do come in handy once in awhile, don't they?

    I hope it has the desired effect!