Thursday, August 16, 2007

Never assume

I may have spoken a bit too soon.

I complained about a guy I met online, spoke to for about an hour on Sunday, and was supposed to hear from Monday or Tuesday evening. When I didn't -- and when I saw him on the website later, every time I visited -- it bothered me. I'll call him HVAC, because he has an HVAC business and because he seems to blow hot and cold.

I met HVAC because I took the first step. He had visited my profile numerous times, but because he's six years younger than I am -- and caps his potential spouse's age as five years younger than I am -- I didn't think he'd be interested in me, so I didn't write him. But he kept visiting my profile -- four, five times a week. Finally I sent HVAC my photo password and told him to satisfy his curiosity. He thought I was hot and sent me his phone number. I told him that I wasn't looking for NSA fun; he said he was serious and ready to get married. So I called him and we talked for a while but didn't make a date. And he said he'd call, and didn't.

Every day this week when I saw HVAC cruising the site, and not calling or emailing me, I waxed increasingly wroth. I am so sick of being blown off, ignored, and treated like yesterday's garbage. Finally I decided to do something. What did I have to lose? If HVAC wasn't interested, he'd let me know; if he was, I'd light a fire under him.

Hi HVAC -- If you decided not to call after saying that you would, it would have been polite to drop me a note to that effect. Pulling a disappearing act is not good derech eretz.

He responded almost immediately:

chas veshalom
I have been working nights
at a public school

(Which is actually almost a perfect haiku.) Chastened, I wrote back:

Apologies -- it's just that sometimes guys do run hot and cold, inexplicably, and I feel like don't know what's happened or what's going on. I also don't like waiting for the phone to ring -- not that I was sitting at home doing nothing waiting for the phone to ring... ;) I am sure you have to finish this job in a rush before school starts and that's why you've been so busy. As the French say, "Tout comprender, c'est tout pardonner" (understanding everything explains everything).

He told me to call him on his cell phone and I did. He's been working really late on a big project and hasn't gotten home before midnight in days -- and thought that would be too late to call me. We talked for a bit, but I sit in the midst of other cubicle denizens and didn't want to burden them with too great a window into my private life. I told him we should make a date to get together.

"Do you want to hang out with me tonight before I have dinner with my cousins?" he said. He has steak and Johnnie Walker Blue with them every Thursday.

I was offended. I'm not just a time-filler! "No -- shouldn't you and I be having dinner at some point?" He was immediately apologetic, said he was free this weekend, and told me to pick the date, time, and venue. So we're having dinner this Sunday at La Creperie.

But I'm wondering if I can take this guy seriously. If he really wanted to be dating for marriage, wouldn't he have made more of an effort to get in touch with me? And why do I feel like I'm pursuing him? That can't be a good thing -- men like to be the pursuers, not the pursued. But waiting around for men to get around to things makes me antsy, and I like taking initiative.

Worst of all, HVAC's first marriage ended because his wife failed to disclose, before they wed, that she has schizophrenia. Even if I was completely upfront with him about my illness -- as I will be with any guy I date very seriously -- I really doubt he'd want another wife with a mental disorder, even one who copes with it as well as I do.

I don't know. I'm definitely going to order the dulce de leche crepes on Sunday. Aside from that, I have no idea what will happen.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

No comments:

Post a Comment