Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Scraping by

It is hard. Hard to get up in the morning and get to my internship or class. Hard to get dressed, impossible to take a shower and wash my hair. Thank goodness for bathroom wipes; they freshen underarms pretty well. And fortunately, most female grad students' hair is a little frizzy and straggly. I don't stand out. (Since I'm not sleeping with anyone, my vaguely questionable personal hygiene isn't really an issue.)

I'm constantly exhausted and having some trouble concentrating -- I get music in my head. I can't remember if I've written about this before, the annoying tendency for a catchy melody that I hear -- someone's cell phone ringtone, perhaps, or a song suggested by something I read or hear (if I see an ad for the lottery, I'll have "If I had a million dollars..." in my head for a long, long time; great, now it's going through my head...) -- to get stuck in my head and interfere with reading, thinking, etc.

I'm afraid people will be able to tell that I'm not on my A game, so to speak, but I guess I've gotten pretty good at contributing just enough to the discussion to seem with it and coherent. Inside I'm anything but together, as this tattered, scattered blog post will attest. I panic when I think I'll have to start meeting one-on-one with clients and actually trying to accomplish something with them.

Fortunately, my knees seem pretty quiescent; the barometric pressure must have dropped. I'm going to try to walk a little more and get a little exercise. As little as 10 minutes a day could lift my mood. It's really no longer optional on my part -- it's mandatory. There's no medication change I could effect to lift my mood. I have to move.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I hope you feel better quick, Ayelet. Maybe getting some rest and quiet time over the holidays will help?

  2. it's ok. you're just like everybody else. we're all a mess, putting on a brave face for the rest of the world.

    hang in there, armpit-wiper. we love you!

  3. Thanks for your blog. I love it! I happy to know I am not the only one who has felt this way!