Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Am I paranoid, or is he a jerk?

On the heels of the Guitar Hero debacle, still waiting to hear from Logophile, I decided to contact another guy on that dating website. This was his self-description:

I am a funloving guy that knows how to treat a lady like a queen so long as shes funloving as wel. Ilike activities around water and I travel extensively in my career. I also have a PHD in forensics so I am sometimes able to "know" and understand people quickly which can sometimes set back a not confident lady. I am a very generous and kind person and extremely confident in life.

He said he was looking for:

I find most of my dates to be women who dont have enough of a sense of adventure. I am drawn to intelligent and confident women who perhaps have an untapped sense of mission in life.

Poor grammar aside, I thought, what the heck. He's only a year younger than I am, I'll give it a shot.

Subject: take me skydiving!

I've never been, and it looks like so much fun. I can't get any of my friends to go, because most of them are married and boring.

My photo password is xxx. I've got a master's degree in psychology, and I'm getting a master's in social work, so you might not be able to read me as quickly as usual. But you sound like you're up for a challenge.

He responded:

thanks for the note.. i cant see myself marrying someone your age as id prefer someone younger but you do intruge me.. your note was different to say the least. im brutally honest

Not so tactful, but what the heck, he doesn't sound so bad. I wrote back:

I can tell. Why can't you see yourself marrying someone who is just one year older than you? As you can see from my photos, I look significantly younger. And to be honest, while I'm not the youngest girl on this site, I am the one who will most prioritize all aspects of her relationship with her husband -- emotional, adventurous, and intimate.

That got his attention:

pls feel free to email me directly at

I'm always wary of men who try to get me to go off the dating site and into private email. It's never led to anything good. But my response might have been a little over the top:

I'd rather keep this discussion on this website for now, if you don't mind. In my experience, men who rush to outside email do so because their intentions are less than honorable.

Sounds reasonable, right? Not to the bigshot:

then asusme as you please.. I hate logging into this. my regular email goes to my blackberry.. I dont sit in front of a computer all day. But your response spoke volumes. Thanks

That sounds ominous. Can this relationship be saved?

You're reading too much into my response. I don't assume all men are after only one thing -- I just get suspicious because, sadly, I've had several bad experiences, when guys from this website said, "Email me at my private email" and then made indecent proposals ;) I didn't know that communicating this way was inconvenient for you. If you prefer, we can table our discussion until later tonight.

He didn't prefer.

I am no longer interested.. And never interested in sitting in front of my computer waiting for responses.. Have a wonderful and succesful search

Supposedly experiencing numerous rejections inures you to their pangs. I'm waiting.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. From my experience, its ounds to me that he indeed was after an "indecent proposal" and not really interested in getting to know you.

    Furthermore, when a guy tells you that you "intrigue" him, it means: "I want to have sex with you"

    Thirdly, his spelling is horrible.

    No great loss for you Ayelet, in my humble opinion.

  2. As my late grandmother would say: "whoever doesn't come, doesn't have to leave."

    Sounds like a jerk; no loss for you, Ayelet. You've been rejected by better!

  3. Also, with all due respect to you, this guy was a douchenozzle from the beginning. He is obviously glued to his Crackberry and requires instant gratification. He writes off broad swaths of womanhood with ill-conceived generalizations and ascribes all manner of Holmesian insight, adventurous exploits, and deductive power to himself. Then signs off with, "Are you woman enough?"

    I find that pretentious and not a little sexist.

    Even though you do the exact same thing in reverse, and in that circumstance, I find it feisty and alluring.

    Double standard much? Yes, yes I do.

    Either way, we both know it's his loss, and we both know he wasn't and isn't worth fretting over.

  4. I agree with the other posts wholeheartedly. Do yourself a favor and take a break from the dating sites! You deserve much better than these jokers.

  5. "I am a very generous and kind person and extremely confident in life."

    Well, he wasn't very kind, now, was he? And there's an extremely fine line between being confident and being a jerk.