Friday, November 30, 2007

Glimmer of light

Dr. Roda agreed to reduce my lithium, which should allow the antidepressants to exert more of a force on my mood. Also to make it a little easier for me to get up in the morning, since lithium is sedating.

It's funny -- I'm still functioning pretty well at work as long as I don't actually have to write a whole lot. My field instructor is constantly amazed by the way I get clients to open up about their history. She's learning new things about people she's worked with for years when we visit them together. (I told her that PR is all about getting people's stories so you can spin them.)

Writing, however, is torturous. I had to write a policy analysis paper, including a section on financing. Finance is a topic that causes me significant anxiety. I'm always afraid I'm going to die old, alone, and broke, even though I put a lot of money in IRAs before I went back to grad school. So writing about financing policies to support low-income people is extremely difficult for me. In class, when the professor asked us how we liked writing the paper (this only happens in social work school), I said, "That last section, on financing -- you know, it's like, 'It's 11:30 p.m., and I can write the financing section or cut my throat...'"

The class and professor laughed. I don't think they would have laughed if they'd suspected there was the smallest grain of truth in what I said.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. That's a little cathartic,though, to put it out there and be able to laugh about it.

  2. I guess. But it's kind of too close for comfort right now.