Sunday, December 09, 2007

Making the effort

I spent another hermit Shabbat, staying in and mostly sleeping. So I forced myself to go to a Chanuka concert with Shimona Saturday night. I didn't want to go -- it seemed a little pricey for what we'd be getting -- but I thought it would be important to get dressed up and interact with other people in public.

It wasn't bad. Very crowded, but that didn't provoke any high anxiety. The food was pretty awful -- evidence of mold on my theoretical second sufgania made me regret the first even more (at least it made me throw the second away).

Shimona is, if anything, even more bitter about being single than I am. Which is strange, since she's a good five years younger than I am. She has younger married siblings, which I guess is worse than having bossy older married siblings. Shimona kept reminding me that we weren't there to meet men, we were there to enjoy the music. I, on the other hand, am incapable of getting dressed up and going out without surveying the crowd for potential.

"How young do you think that guy is, in the striped sweater?" I asked her.

"I don't know -- late 20s, maybe? What is it with you and guys in their twenties?" she asked.

"I can't help it if they desire me," I said lightly, ironically. "I'm a cougar," I laughed. "Sometimes I look at high school boys and think, 'I'd like to hit that.'"

"Ewwwwwwwwwwww!" said Shimona. "You were a woman before they were born!"

"That's the idea," I said. But I was bluffing. These days, I'm not so confident in my cougar predatory skills. I'm an old, fat, wannabe cougar. There was a guy there that, if I were thin, I might have introduced myself to. But these days I'm reeling with rejection. Too many messages ignored on online dating sites. Too many clothes outgrown. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" has become "Nothing ventured, nothing lost."
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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