Thursday, January 10, 2008

Turned a corner

I am definitely feeling better. The light box is finally working for me. Sometimes it's still hard to get out of bed in the morning, but when I get to work I don't feel drained or exhausted, and at the end of the day I'm exhilarated.

Partly this is because I feel so essential, and it's not all in my head. Melanie has been out for weeks. In her absence, I've shouldered most of her caseload. Not at the same level as she delivers, of course, but making sure everyone's monitored and no one falls through the cracks.

Sally, the program director, sat me down and explained, very nicely, that I shouldn't feel responsible for making up for Melanie's absence and the team didn't need me to take on all that work. Her second-in-command, Julie, when I mentioned this conversation, said, "That's not true. You are responsible for taking care of Melanie's caseload, we do need you to do it, and you're handling it very well."

And of course everything is still relatively new and fascinating to me, even though I've been there since September. Today I took a client to detox, and it was like a field trip. I didn't know what happens there, or that every admission comes with an EKG and mini-physical, or that they give you Librium to manage the shakes.

It took hours, because the client had to be seen by a social worker, a P.A., and two nurses, and then have a chest X-ray. "You're spending the whole day with me," he said apologetically.

"Well, I'm a student," I said, "and I've never seen a detox facility. This is a great learning experience."

Of course, anytime my mood is good I have to worry whether it's too good. But I think this weekend will tell. I committed to going to a Shabbos dinner and oneg, so this week I can't come home on Friday afternoon, collapse, and not talk to anyone until Sunday night. I might need to spend Saturday in bed recovering, but I think I'll survive Friday night.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I am so happy to read this post! Hope things continue to go well at work and that you have a good time Friday night.