Friday, January 04, 2008

What I have to put up with

This time I'm naming names. YourSmile describes himself thusly on Frumster:

Since this section is required to have a minimum of 30 words, so I would have to tell you the truth about me and the qualities Hashem gave me: 1) very handsome, 2) energetic, 3) dry to semi-dry sense of humor

Concerning his ideal mate,

I would have to be frank with you again. After I pass your chemistry or attraction test, you would need to pass my optimistic 'person test.' It is not important for me whether you have a college degree, but what is very important that you have studied at least one full year in a seminary. Also since your seminary, what have you been doing to grow spiritually?

You'd think this was a spiritual, aidel guy. You'd be wrong. He IMed me on Frumster saying,

hey demanding chick

I told him that was rude. He said that I seemed demanding in my profile, but he apologized, then wrote:

can i see how u look like. What is your password

He doesn't have a photo posted. I wrote:

how am I going to see what u look like?

He responded:

don't have my pic on site. but can email. my handsome pic. What is your password

I'm not interested in this clown.

It doesn't matter -- I didn't spend a year at seminary, so I'm not eligible for you anyway. You don't need to see my pic.

He responded,

do not give up so easily

Clearly he needs it spelled out.

The problem with email is that sarcasm doesn't come through clearly.

It doesn't take a year in seminary to recognize when a person is deficient in derech eretz (i.e., opens up communications with an accusation/judgment that someone is "demanding"). Furthermore, I have a master's degree and am earning a second, so I think your idea of what is suitable or necessary or desirable in a wife might not match with mine. I'm not giving up -- I was never trying to win your interest.

He started being inappropriate:

do not want to fight with you, we could have been so 'good togetherr?': friends, lovers, or more :)


I'm not looking for a lover or a friend, I'm looking for a husband.

Then he crossed the line:

sure, but u are not a virgin. the process is usually you find a friend, then you become lovers, then more :) what is your pic password and your name

What the ??????

How do you know what I am?

I can't believe this.

u right, i do not know. are u a virgin?

How can this guy consider himself frum?

What I am is none of your business, and what you are is a man with no derech eretz and no yirat shamayim. If I've learned anything from my many years of dating, it's that men don't bring sex up with women they've just met whom they actually want to date seriously. It's a sign of serious disrespect, and as a bas melech, you owe me much more than a booty call.

It's a good thing Yom Kippur is months away, because your record on hilchot bein adam lehavero is seriously sullied.

I didn't think he'd respond, and I didn't care. But apparently he's not just completely rude, shameless, and perverted, he's also not that bright.

how can i date u seriously over the internet?

Let's just get this over with:

Well, now you've made it impossible for me to date you at all, but people meet online to date all the time. They just don't assume the internet = easy sex, the way you do.

Does my lousy mood yesterday start making a little more sense? This is what I have to deal with. The singles' crisis starts to seem completely logical. What is wrong with men???
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I'd repeat my earlier advice that you should take a hiatus from the dating sites. Maybe you are so frustrated with being single that you feel you must spend time on them, but it seems like they are just irking you, and demoralizing you rather than leading to tachlis! Or maybe you should discriminate among the sites and stick with ones of better quality.

  2. Honestly, I thought that this HAD to be a fake profile. Apparently not. But you made the same mistake I made with my Israeli stalker chick-- you should have just blocked him. This guy hasnt got a clue.

  3. This is Frumster, not Jdate. I don't think the "quality" of dating sites gets much better. And to paraphrase Churchill, dating websites are the worst way to meet men -- except for all the others. Nothing is working for me.