Monday, February 25, 2008

Someone saved my life today

Thank Gd for clients. They're a natural endorphin releaser. One told me I look so pretty when I wear short skirts (yes, I know, slight boundary violation, but she means well -- I could be her daughter).

Another, whom I took to lunch at Red Lobster (why do my clients love traif so much? She had lobster tail and crab legs, and I had a $12 plate of lettuce) speaks with an intricate eloquence that forces me to really concentrate on what she's saying in order to understand her meaning. I wish I could record some of what she says, just because it's so unique and expressive, but people with paranoid schizophrenia tend to be wary of tape recorders. But when I listen to her, I can't be thinking about my perfidious sister, my nonexistent social life, my impending meeting with DOTS, my anxiety over my job search, or the papers I should have started writing and haven't.

When I'm slightly depressed I get earworms -- songs stuck in my head. It's part of the way depression disrupts concentration. Tonight, riding home on the train, I heard Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight." 'Someone,' in my case, is my clients.

Maybe I got so furious at Jerusha yesterday because I didn't see my clients for a full week -- I was out on President's Day, and called in sick for my other internship days. Today I was glad to be busy helping other people. This morning was very hectic; one worker just left the agency, another was out, and everyone decided to come into the office with crises of varying magnitude. And the copy machine was broken. Usually I get harried when many people are demanding my attention, but today I was perfectly calm, balancing annoyed clients against angry clients, explaining to confused clients and reaching out to dejected clients.

It is going to be very hard to leave this internship. I can't deny the ego boost I get when I walk into a room and five faces light up. I'm really going to miss them.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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