Friday, April 11, 2008


Today I went to a social work job fair and found myself resenting all the frum people I saw (there were a few, including the neighbor of Jerusha's who knew me when I was in PR). The frum guys because I'm obviously of no interest to them. The frum married women because I'm not married and nobody gives a shit and nobody is helping me. (And because their little scarves and hats are mere lip service to the necessity of covering one's hair. If you're going to take on a mitzvah, take it on, don't play around.)

Sometimes I can't bear going to shul, because I just feel totally rejected and ignored by everybody there. (Including the Mutters, who are now all completely ignoring me.) It makes me want to abandon everything I was brought up with and and everything I've learned and acquired, and not be Jewish at all. I could find a nice Italian guy and have a much more comfortable life. Sure, he'd probably cheat on me, but at least I'd have lots of kids, plenty of sex, and a nice place to live.

I did play the londsman angle, though. One of the recruiters was wearing a yarmulke. He told me to contact him if I didn't pass the licensing exam because he could help me re-take it sooner than the usual 90-day waiting period. I said, "Wish me hatzloche (Yiddish for hatzlacha)!" So he did.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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