Friday, July 04, 2008

My date with Facebook Guy

I think FG is, at bottom, a very nice person. (Certainly nicer than his brother, which actually isn't difficult.) But he's also completely feckless. He lives with his parents in Crown Heights -- he's kind of Modern Lubavitch -- which in and of itself is not a bad thing. But he said, "I didn't always live with them -- I used to have my own apartment in another part of Brooklyn, then I was in Florida for a while, and I came back about nine months ago."

"What were you doing in Florida?" I asked.

"Oh, you know... I needed a change of scene," he said evasively. Not a good sign.

Also, he came from the subway to pick me up. What's a guy in his late 20s who lives in Brooklyn (not Manhattan) doing without a car? How does he plan to take me home? How will we find a cab at that time of night outside Manhattan?

We had planned to see "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," and he was supposed to pick me up after work. He was 15 minutes late because he couldn't find my building. He works in some kind of business that uncovers assets, so it's not his first time going to the building, which is near the courts in one of the boroughs. He just didn't realize the address was the same building he's gone to dozens of times.

Whatever. We went to the movie theater, a few blocks away, and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" wasn't playing. Fine, whatever, I can roll with it. We saw "Get Smart" instead, and it was awesome. So that was fine.

But I had to explain about 75% of the jokes and action to him.

"What did she say?" "What happened?" It's so annoying. I realize he's young, but I think he's not that bright. Very sweet, very cute (he sort of looks like his brother, but much cuter), but just not that smart or quick. And I need someone who is smart and quick. I can't see going through life explaining everything to my husband.

The world did get even smaller, though. Something I said to him triggered a memory, and he said, "Wait a minute... aren't you [clever screenname] on [dating website]?"

"Yes," I said.

"We chatted on there about a year ago," he said.

"You're the young guy from Florida!" I said. That was back in December 2006. I wasn't even a social worker then! He and I wrote back and forth a few times, then he stopped writing and I forgot about him.

But my picture on the dating site is the same as my picture on Facebook. It took him this long to recognize me?

We went to find some ice cream after the movie, and then he said, "So what's next?"

I'm a yekke. I like a man with a plan. I don't like a man without a plan. "Well, it's getting late," I said.

"How do you usually get home?" he asked. That bodes ill.

"I take the subway at [name of station]," I said.

"Have you ever taken it this late?" he asked.

"Uh, no," I said. Do not tell me you're not taking me home.

"It's probably pretty safe, right?" he said.

Do NOT tell me you're not seeing me home at 11 p.m. from the freakin' outer boroughs!!!

"Yeah, I think it's safe," I said.

"Okay," he said. "Do you have any plans for July 4?"

Not with a guy who doesn't see me home!!! "I'm supposed to take my niece to a museum," I said.

"Oh, okay," he said, and walked me to the subway station. "I had a great time tonight," he said, hugging me. He tried to kiss me, but he's a lot taller than I am so I leaned my face against his chest and he got me on the ear. (I will say this for him: he was clean and he smelled good.)

"Get home safe," I said, trying not to load my words with irony. "Thanks for the movie."

A person who does not take me home after the first date does not get a second. Yes, he's nice, and he finds me attractive. But that is not enough.

[While I was waiting for him in front of my building, a guy walked up to me and said, "Excuse me, are you Spanish?"

Interesting pickup line, and something I'm well used to hearing. "No, Italian," I said.

"You're beautiful!" he said.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm waiting for my boyfriend."]

Can you see why I am so sick of dating, and why I'm still single? He's not a bad guy, but he's just not the guy for me. So where the hell IS the guy for me, and how many yahoos do I have to date before I find him?

There's a clever Chinese proverb/curse that goes, "May you live in interesting times." I'm really tired of having such an interesting life.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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