Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Why am I supposed to help this guy?

My shadchanit friend Rochel got the idea that I wanted to start setting people up. I tried to form a shidduchim group on Facebook, but it never really went anywhere. Sometimes I try to set people up, but nothing's come of it so far.

Out of the blue I got this email on FB:

Hi Ayelet,

Rochel mentioned that you have some Modern Orthodox friends you're trying to set up, who I might be a good match with, and that I should get in touch with you to see. If that's the case, I can send you my dating profiles, etc.... Just let me know -- thanks! !

All the best, Jared

Well, I guess I could try.

sure, send it along and I'll do my best

He responded:


About Me
Two cooks together make the best broth--and I'm looking to start using my kitchen more often. I'm passionate about living a rich, purposeful life that allows me to cultivate my mind, body, and soul--and no less about pure fun and joy and exploration, and spending a few weeks every year traveling, living out of a backpack and grappling with a foreign language or two, and just seeing what the day brings. Outside of work (I'm incredibly fortunate to have my dream job as a professor of writing and literature), I spend my week connecting with family and friends while balancing learning (violin, Torah, languages, martial arts…), relaxing at home, music and reading and film and art, and community involvement. My ideal weekend would begin with our intimate, restorative Shabbat together, which would wind up in our Saturday night date--dinner, a walk, a play, a stargazing picnic in the summer, a baseball game; any of those or just staying home with each other would be perfect with the right woman; and Sunday would bring sleeping in, yoga, brunch, maybe a movie.... I prefer conversations that are aimed at understanding the present or creating the future to those that just tell stories from the past. I'm kind, genuine, and generous; I value depth and joy in all aspects of my life and relationships; I'm contemplative and dynamic, creative and reverent, positive and realistic, serious and spontaneous, and you can depend on me.

My perfect first date
We have a conversation--either while sitting in an intimate café or while taking a walk through a park or a museum--after which we want to see each other again, to learn more about each other, to share another experience and another conversation. We sense real possibility, and we like that very much.

My ideal relationship
We are passionately and deeply committed to each other and to our life together, we are affectionate and playful with each other and we have fun together, we trust each other deeply, we share a vision for life and we are full partners in achieving that vision, we cook together, and being together makes each other and the world better.

My past relationships: I haven't yet found the right woman for me.

About You
Your greatest strengths are your warmth, your depth, your joie de vivre, your curiosity, and your drive for personal growth. You have a strong sense of self and purpose, you thrive on emotional and intellectual intimacy, and you are committed to building and nurturing a relationship, a family, a home, a community--a life--together.

My initial reaction?

Jesus Christ -- how am I going to set up this pretentious nitwit? I need concrete information, not flowery la-di-da stream-of-consciousness verbal diarrhea. But I can't tell him that.

Very nice, but I really need to know how old you are, where you're from, where you live now, whether you're willing to relocate, what your religious background/education is, what your secular education is, the age range you're comfortable dating, and the kind of school you'd want to send your kids to.

At least that sets some parameters. He wrote back:

Sure. I'm 31, divorced, no children, from New York City, live in Brooklyn, not willing to relocate, background: smorgasboard/traditional, now Modern Orthodox, PhD in Sociology, looking to date 25-31, not sure about what kind of school for the children. What else can I tell you? Just let me know, and thanks again.

Now that just pushes my buttons. Men who don't date slightly older women deserve to be single. They deserve to die alone, if you really want my opinion. Especially if they're divorced.

Sorry, I don't have too many friends who are younger than you are, and as a general matter of principle, I don't set up men who aren't willing to date women a few years older than they are.

Good luck.

He responded, "Good luck to you too." I guess he's polite, at least.

I'm going to have to send this exchange to Rochel. I can't be bothered with nitwits like this. Especially when I'm still single and no one is helping me find a match.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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