Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Why am I not surprised?

Men are visual. "Out of sight, out of mind" was coined by one of them and applies to almost all of them. Conversely, men want what they do see.

The Gorgeous Genius responded to my email about the Mentalist at the bachelorette party:

Yeah, nice misdirection as he carefully pilfered your belongings to pay for the "free" drinks. Anyway...are you doing anything tonight? Perhaps we can meet up.

He's gotten so cynical. And opportunistic. Now that he has an excuse to contact me, he's going to angle for more. He used to be such a sweet, innocent boy.... I suppose we were all sweet and innocent once. Now I'm just old and jaded.

I came home with everything I went to the bar with. Tonight I work late, so I might be too exhausted.

I guess he took that as encouragement.

You have your story and I have mine... Tell me what you feel like when you get in, or perhaps another time that you think better.

Better for what, exactly?

Another time to do what, exactly?

He doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word "exactly," because he responded

What would you like?

I'm tired. I was out late last night, I'm negotiating borderline religious harassment at work, and three of my clients have personality disorders, which means they're extremely irritating. So my patience for flirtation that leads nowhere is limited.

We've been over this. I'm too old and too tired for casual sex. You're not interested in a serious relationship. I don't see anything happening other than a drink between friends. At a bar, in public.

I thought that was pretty clear, but remember, he's extremely bright, extremely horny, and he tends to win every argument I get suckered into with him.

Well, no, you never said so explicitly, though I gathered something along those lines.

I don't know what I'm interested in, but I enjoy intimacy and being with you. If you find the thought entirely unappealing...there's nothing really I can say. But I don't consider it casual when you spend time with someone you like and respect, and like feeling close with, even if a relationship qua relationship seems difficult to envision.

What can you say to a person who italicizes "qua" in his emails? Of course he enjoys the "intimacy" with me because it's not real intimacy, it's just naked hanging out and talking. And if you like and respect someone, why is a relationship qua relationship difficult to envision? But I don't need to get into this discussion, because it leads the same place any "intimacy" with him would lead: nowhere.

Blah, blah, blah. Of course it's not a waste of time for you -- you don't feel your biological clock. I can't do the whole casual thing anymore. If it's not going anywhere, it's not going to happen.

I think he finally got the point:


I could say a few other things. He wants the benefits of a relationship without doing any of the work. He's just rationalizing using me. But I think I'll leave it here. I'm tired.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. OMG! This guy wants to have his cake and eat it too, like so many other West Side guys. He has a really warped idea of casual. Good for you for standing up for yourself!

  2. You totally took him to school. I can italicize qua, too, but that doesn't mean I should be rewarded with quim.