Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Alone

That's how I spent the first 2 days of Succot. I did manage to see Spike, my acupuncturist, on Monday. He advised me to cry, if I could, to get rid of some of the bad chi. I tried, but it didn't really work. Then I had a dream he was my physics T.A. and I just couldn't understand the material.

I just feel so ashamed, embarrassed, to have reached this advanced age with so little to show beyond a few degrees, a messy apartment, and a job. I don't feel like going to families for meals anymore. It highlights what I don't have. My insignificant status. My essential unworth.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you're doing so poorly, Ayelet, and will try and call later. I really hope your blue mood lifts very soon. Have you called your doctor?

    I can't believe you are writing off your advance degrees and your job. You've accomplished so much and, based on these posts, are doing so much good! I know you feel like if you were married etc your life would be complete, but your sense of self worth has to come from inside--not from external trappings. There's plenty of unhappy married folks--witness your sister. I heard of two other couples headed for divorce in the last week.

    I know in your current mood none of this will register, but wanted to say it anyway. Sending lots of hugs your way.

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  2. I am so sorry. you're always welcome in chicago.

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