Sunday, November 02, 2008

What did I do wrong?

I still can't write about Black Thursday, but I want to show you some Frumster email correspondence that didn't go anywhere.

A man 4 years my junior wrote me. Call him "Neither Here Nor There" or NHNT. His photo was "under review," so I didn't know what he looked like, but he seemed nice. After the usual pleasantries, he asked me:

So u never had children yourself? Any desire to? You seem like a good woman to me.

I responded:

I would LOVE to have children, but I need a husband to do that. I am a good woman. Are you a good man?

Kind of a challenge, but I didn't think it was out of line.

Yea of course I'm a good man. At least I think I am. I guess you have to find out for yourself!
Where do you live? Have you lived in NY your whole life?

I told NHNT where I grew up and added:

I've lived on the Upper West Side for more than 10 years. Lord help me. Do you still live in the forgotten borough?

His screenname incorporates "SINY"; he's from Staten Island.

Upper west side is nice. How do you like it over there? Any regrets spending 16 years of your life there? I like the forgotten borough though it hasn't really helped me in any way. There is small Jewish communities here...not a lot of places to go and things to do. Shopping is so-so. I guess i stay here for my parents are close by. It's nice to have family near you. Do u get involved with AISH or Hineni being they're so close to you? U seem like such a lovely woman. I'm surprised you're still single.

Wow. NHNT seems to like me. Now watch Ayelet screw it up.

Sometimes I'm surprised I'm still single too ;) Living on the UWS can be fun, and it's very convenient. I'm not really into the singles scene these days -- been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I've done a few Aish and Hineni things but it's really not my bag. I've heard Staten Island is a nice place for families, but I've only been there once, for an engagement party.

So why is a nice guy like you still single?

NHNT answered (on Friday afternoon):

I don't know. Just caught up in the ratrace of the single scene. Singles as a result of games (giving and taking) a number of years while I was young and I didn't know what i wanted. I'm tired of that scene. Just looking for family life now. I really have become a little jaded with the whole online dating thing. I guess thats what brings me here. Whats always been missing is finding someone more on a spiritual level. I feel like I mesh more with someone who is spiritual more than anything. So any big plans for the weekend?

"The Rules" say you're not supposed to act too available or too eager. So this is all I wrote:

Nothing too exciting.Tonight I'm editing a friend's term paper; waiting for a FreshDirect delivery tomorrow afternoon ;)

Apparently that changed the subject.

Freshdirect is such a brilliant idea. I never even thought about using them. Do you need a minimum about of money spent in order to place an order? Have you had any bad experiences using them? I'd love to find out how this works. For some reason they deliver where I am! very exciting :)

How did we get from dating to grocery delivery?

I love freshdirect. If buy have unlimited delivery, there's no minimum, otherwise the minimum is $50. Check out their website, it's very easy to use. I'm surprised they go to SI ;)

NHNT didn't take offense:

It is amazing we even have mail delivery to staten island let alone freshdirect. If there is no minimum I'll order 1 grape and i'll request they giftwrap it for me. Nah this is cool..gonna try it this week. So ur ashkenazi...where does your mom and dads family come from?

I told NHNT where my parents are from (Germany, Poland) and added:

What are you? How long have you been frum? You should tell freshdirect I referred you to them -- I'll get a bonus!

He wrote back:

OK I'll let them know. hopefully your not waiting long for your bonus
where in Poland did ur family come from?
Mine from north in a town in galicia called Uhnow near L'vuv
Germany and Poland are so close to one another I'm surprised i don't hear about more German/Polish couples. Well maybe that isn't like someone from NY dating someone from NJ Makes me wonder how they met. I doubt they met in the US after WWII
Frum...well i'd say a few years. my family is orthodox., parents are not. I try my best to honor my ancestors and be what the would expect me to be. I try to study...pray and do the things that are asked of me and I've been doing this for awhile. The one obstacle is my career. So god willing there won't be many future disruptions like there have been becuase being IT is full of disruptions.

Yeah, it's a tough market right now, so I wrote:

My parents met in Illinois, of all places. He was born in Palestine; his parents moved there in 1937, and he went to the University of Illinois for college.

I know a lot of frum guys in computers, I hope you can manage to negotiate this market.

Was that saying too little? Or doubting his competence?

That's really interesting. So have u ever spoke with your grandparents about germany and when they made the decision to go to Palestine? I don't even think Palestine was a jewish state in 37. I wonder why they decided to head there of all places.

Yea my career is a little different. Its not really computers..its more network infrastructure which is the backbone of a company. it might only get complicated in brokerage world due to the sensitivity of things so career change to another industry might be in order. its challenging to change anything in this economy, but we'll get there.

We're not getting any closer to NHNT asking me out. Maybe I felt impatient. My next reply must have seemed too brusque and disinterested:

Palestine wasn't officially Jewish until 1948, but a lot of Jews went there.

Good luck on the job front. It's rough all over.

No response. I didn't want to suggest that we IM or talk on the phone -- according to The Rules, he should suggest we do that. I don't want to look like I'm chasing him.

But then again, playing it cool didn't seem to work -- he stopped responding. So after his photos were approved, I wrote him:

nice photos -- maybe I'll get to see you in person one of these days ;)

NHNT logged in, read it, and didn't respond.

I hate dating.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. There was nothing wrong with your responses; didn't seem to me like there was too much chemistry between you or that he was on your level intellectually, no offense to him.
    How's your back? Are you feeling any better?

  2. I agree with everything Riva said.
    I hope things will pick up this week for you. Kisses.