Thursday, December 25, 2008

So what can I learn from the Jeff incident?

Had brunch with my shadchanit/dating coach Rochel, who cringed when I described my wine-induced flirtiness on the first date, his reaction to the note I sent saying I had trouble not inviting him upstairs, and our different dating approaches.

"This guy pursued you -- twice -- so you knew he liked you," she said. "You shouldn't have shown so much interest -- no wonder he backed off. He might still call you, though."

"Do I want a guy who would rather be at the gym than talk to me?" I asked rhetorically. And ruefully. I was mad attracted to this guy. Doesn't happen often that someone I'm that attracted to is attracted to me. Usually the ones drawn to me are repulsive.

"Or a divorced guy with, what, 2 little kids? You could definitely do better," she said. Not that I have been, lately. I suppose with the next guy I'll have to play it cooler. I'll certainly never again split a bottle of wine on a first date.

Jeff sent a nice enough note thanking me for my well wishes. I don't think I'll hear from him again. I'll probably see his smiling face in the "Success Stories" on Frumster one of these days.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Sorry, but I can't totally agree with your shadchanit friend. So you showed reciprocal interest? Big deal. If he flirted and showed interest, then it makes sense that you showed it in return, as long as you weren't swooning and drooling all over him googley eyed. How else is he supposed to know that you like him back? These 'rules' are ridiculous and only serve to confuse and complicate an already complicated process.

    As far as the wine, well, everyone has to know their limits; half a bottle of red at 12% alcohol wouldn't even warm me up. But if it makes you all flirty, than that's something to keep in mind for the future.

    And her statement of, "Or a divorced guy with, what, 2 little kids? You could definitely do better" ? No disrespect intended, but don't be necessarily so sure. At our age, the people out there who are never married (and childless) are usually never married for a reason; the 'good' ones get selected out early. I'm sure I don't need to tell you this. And his gym regimen may not be regarded as so inflexible. I happen to very serious about my exercise routine- most serious exercisers are. I think it shows commitment and "sticktuitiveness". As long as he's not letting it run his life, a set exercise routine is a good thing. Anyone who works out regularly knows that if you don't schedule it into your life, it won't happen. And don't you want someone in good shape?

  2. Valid points all. Should I call him and apologize and try to see him again? ;)

  3. Based on your latest post, I think it's moot.. ;) I hope you know I wasn't being snarky. (This is a poor medium for tone.)