Thursday, December 04, 2008

Too quick to dismiss?

I got a message on Frumster from a guy only a few years older:

I love what you said in your profile. I am returning from Israel in the next week to attend to my business in [a U.S. state]. If you would like to meet sometime, I would be happy to drive to (where you grew up). Let me know. I think I meet all of your qualifications.

Well, for starters, a guy I'd consider intelligent would know from reading my profile that I grew up out of town but now live in New York. Also, this guy has a huge, ungroomed, bushy beard that makes him look like a heissa chossid. He's also a Cohen, which may or may not be a problem; I haven't consulted a rabbi yet about that.

A little more background about him:

Grew up in: Pennsylvania
Consider relocation? Maybe
Jewish Education: lectures
Secular Education: Masters
Languages Spoken: English, Hebrew
Political Beliefs: middle of the road
Occupation: Self-employed
Hobbies and Interests: Photography, skiing, scuba diving, getting inspired by Rebbe Nachman, managing my business, swimming, hiking, travelling, living an organic conscious lifestyle, kiruv, peace work and music.

An organic conscious lifestyle? Rebbe Nachman? I am warier and warier. "Peace work" and "kiruv" are all very good, but what exactly does that mean?

Let's see if his self-description elucidates:

I am a positive-minded, healthy, thoughtful and successful person who is grateful to the Eternal Source of Life for the blessings I have; ever mindful of the needs and sufferings of the this world and eager to participate in Tikun Olam and patiently waiting for the ultimate joy of family and commitment.

For the time being, I travel between Israel and Massachusettes every month or so for work. I prefer to be in Israel, so for the time being, I find myself in two worlds which I enjoy and hope to find a partner that likes to travel as much as I do. Although I am aware of it as we all are, I work on not yielding to the stress and the anxiety of these pre-redemption times that we live in, but rather try to build a spiritual practice of peace and peacefulness.

I cherish the Eternal gift of Life and find G-d in the gifts of this beautiful world and the specialness of each day. I am serious and responsible when I need to be but I take the time to have fun.

I enjoy long walks, kayaking, yoga, staying fit, studying, dancing and working--usually with a variety of music in the background. I make trips to the wilderness or the desert of the mountains or the sea depending on the day and the season.

Although I have found love and joy within, I hope now to enhance it through a relationship with the right woman who wants to evolve together and learn about each other to build a family.

I am a good cook and like to garden and enjoy the outdoors. I enjoy swimming (really all types of exercise), reading a good book, camping, movies, theater, dancing and traveling to new and exciting places, sometimes spontaneously when I have the time.

In regard to Judaic studies, lately have been learning Zohar, Ways of the Tzadidim and Rebbe Nachman to try to bridge and expand my understanding of Torah, especially in these times. I am currently in Ulpan and very devoted to learning Hebrew for the next few years.

I am hoping to build a healthy relationship that will offer mutual, reciprocated support and inspiration to strengthen t'shuvah, tefillah and tzedakah b'simcha to be the basis for sweet love and the blessing of a family.

I can't explain why this all makes me uncomfortable. But it does. Maybe because I'm not a huge fan of Rebbe Nachman (which could explain his beard) and kabbalah. Maybe because he's a little too deliberately devout.

What kind of woman does he want?

I am hoping to meet a kind open-hearted, halachically conscious, but open-minded, intelligent, practical yet adventurous, spiritually-minded, Torah-connected woman who is ready for love, romance, joy, commitment and building a life based on Torah values, acts of kindness, love, honest communication and bringing dreams into reality.

Philosophy. . .

Well, love has to be the basis and it takes time to grow, but initial feelings of attraction and excitement and potential are important. I am not interested in a lot of game playing, just having fun and honest, real communication that allows for a caring and romantic friendship to develop. I am also hoping to meet someone who will participate in manifesting a shared vision together. If disagreements arise, kindness is necessary to work things out lovingly, consciously and peacefully. Respecting and learning about each others uniqueness and life journey is also important.

I'm not saying that doesn't sound like me. But just because I'm what he wants doesn't make the converse true. And I'm not going to be in my hometown when he goes back to the US, anyway. I sent him a nice "no thank you" note.

Frumster. Money well spent. My ass.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. wonderful - enjoyed reading it! keep the tzedakah - tikkun olam angle at or near the forefront and the rest will go much easier, frumster or not.

    arnie draiman

  2. He throws in too many adjectives. Covers to wide a range.