Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Another delusional male

I am happy to report that I washed my hair and it is still much silkier and smoother than usual, even though I let it air dry. The keratin treatment appears to have been a worthwhile investment.

Less happy is the fact that yet another delusional male in his fifties seems to think I would want to date him. This one also lists himself as chassidish, and sports an enormous, frizzy grey beard.

Dear Ms. Ayelet,

Clearly I am about three years over your age preference, so I am not asking you to cultivate a relationship with me as that is against your terms. Too bad though, as I reread your profile, I felt like we could be compatible. Would it help to say that I can act somewhat immature if the situation calls for it? I guess not, okay, I figured you are certainly worth all effort. But, okay. I'm not ordinary and it just won't work for me with someone who is. So be it. Good luck, and if Chas V'Shalom and a few more years pass and you change your mind and I'm still around, I won't slam the door in your face.

Delusional Male is 13 years older than I am, so he's really about 8 years older than I'm comfortable with. But how could he feel we'd be compatible by reading my profile, when the subject line of his email was "Very Nice New Photos"? (If I ever become a dating coach, I'm going to tell all women to wear red in their profile photo, with the caveat that this will increase unwelcome as well as welcome attention.)

More importantly, why can't he date women his own age?

DM, I appreciate the compliment, but not only are you much older than I am, you are chassidish and I am not at all interested in becoming chassidish or marrying someone who is chassidish. It is not remotely close to who I am.

I have a good friend who is a shadchanit and lives in Crown Heights. If you are interested in meeting women closer to your age and hashkafa, I would be happy to put you in touch with her.

He responded to one point, and one point only. But that at length.

Dear Ms. Ayelet, AMUSh

In fact my Haskafa is Torah U'Maddah (a la' Rabbi Noramn Lamm of Yeshivah University); for over twenty five years, my learning of Gemara and Halacha is with Chevrusas, Rosh Yeshivas, Rosh Kollellim and Magid Shiruim, all of whom are Torah Va'das, Chiam Berlin, Mirrer, Slobdka, Chofetz Chaim, Yeshiva of Philadelphia, Ner Yisroel, Lakewood or Ponavitch; my Hasidic learning spans the gamit but my Minhagim are based on those of my Rebbe, Rabbi Michel Twerski, Shlita, he and his brothers were all university educated to advanced degrees. I had an office in Crown Heights for over eleven years, where I provided psychotherapy to individuals couples, and marriage and family counseling, and even play therapy with very young children. I respect the Torah of the Alter Rebbe and his disciples, HOWEVER, I AM NOT A LUBAVITCHER, thank very much, for your kind thought. I doesn't compensate for your prejudice, but that is after all your prerogative and I certainly wish you well, and hope that neither of us (and for that matter all of Khlal Yisroel) continue to require the services of these degrading cattle on parade websites very much longer and that the folks who do the noble work that they do by running Frumster, (I see no contradiction with the goodness of providing aid and the painful necessity of seeking it) find other even more ennobling things to do for their parnasa.

Anyway don't take offense. You are kind, and I certainly hold no grudge, but as you may be aware from first hand experience, nothing is as crushing to one's self worth than to put one's sincere heart on the line, only to be told that one simple isn't adequate for whatever the reason. But you should be commended for your decency, in that you didn't simply one button solution to telling people that their attention is unwelcome, in of course in a polite, sensitive, non-judgmental, yet nonetheless, heartless, sterile and dehumanizing manner. So Bravo to Ayelet!

Again best of luck, and may please Hashem grant all of us the sacred Shelaymos that comes from finding our own Beshert.

Gevalt. So we're both therapists. So what??? I thought there were some interesting ultra-orthodox therapists at the Nefesh conference, but I didn't want to date them. What the heck is AMUSh? And why don't men my own age chase me like this? Actually, I don't want them to chase me like this. I want them to be normal.

Still haven't heard from LL. I see him surfing Frumster all the time, though.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Amush stands for 'ad me'ah v'esrim shana" or: "you should live to 120 years!" That's a pretty frummy way to begin a letter, not that there's anything wrong with that.

  2. Thanks for clearing that up. Can you also explain why only crazy men in their fifties flock after me? ;)

  3. Just to clear things up. That was NOT me. I do have my picture at the bottom of your blog as I follow it. However there are a few differences. I am not in my 50's. (Not even close just prematurely gray). And I am not trying to date someone online. I am just looking for friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  4. Don't worry, YL -- that was definitely another guy with other intentions. I know you're not stalking me ;)