Tuesday, January 06, 2009

He forgives me, but does he like me?

First LL and I met for coffee near his office -- it's on my way home from work, and after messing up the Lion King date, I wanted to be as agreeable as possible. He offered coffee or drinks; I requested coffee. After my drunken first date with Jeff, I wanted to be on top of my game.

We met at 7. At 7:25 the barista told us they were closing at 7:30, which neither of us had realized. LL suggested we go for dinner. I must have made a good impression in those 25 minutes.

One thing I did was buy him a little gift. A friend suggested I do this to make amends. I bought him a copy of the Elton John Aida soundtrack -- it's very cool and, since EJ also wrote the Lion King soundtrack, the friend thought it would be a safe bet.

A key concept of success is surrounding yourself with good advisers. If Al Gore had listened to Bill Clinton instead of his 27-year-old daughter, we might have had a very different first decade this millennium. My friend was right; LL likes Elton John and seemed pleased by the gift, although he insisted it wasn't necessary.

We went for dinner at a fleishig restaurant, since I'm an unapologetic carnivore. I don't eat a lot of meat, but when I was a vegetarian for what I thought were health reasons -- both of my maternal grandparents had heart problems -- I became severely anemic. My doctor said I could come in every month for iron injections or I could eat meat every once in a while. So I do. Less painful.

LL was amused by my carnivorous admission. "Most women don't say they love meat," he noted, "even if they're not vegetarians."

He also laughed at all of my jokes, sometimes uproariously. But I still can't get a read on him. He's quite guarded. So I honestly don't know if he'll ask me out again.

And I honestly don't know if that's a bad thing. I mean, he does seem kind, generous, interesting. He started a PhD in history but got sick of academic politics and now seems to have a successful career in insurance, managing about 170 people (80 full-time, 90 contract). I was impressed; I don't ever want to have to manage anybody, although I suppose I'll have to at some point.

But in person, he's not as attractive as his picture -- he looks much older. He has a weird blinking thing, although it's not disfiguring. And like I said, he seems distant. I don't know how long he was married or why he got divorced -- that's not really first date conversation. He said some mildly negative things about his ex-wife, though, that made me a little concerned.

For example: LL apparently loathes and detests mice. When he saw one in their apartment, he immediately acquired a cat. His ex didn't like the cat -- it shed and knocked things over.

"So I made the wrong decision at the time," said LL. "She said, 'It's me or the cat,' and I chose her." Ouch.

If he asks me out again, I'll definitely go. If he doesn't, I won't be devastated.

I also was contacted by a man who identifies as "Yeshivish Black Hat." Which is pretty far away from how I see myself. He's checked out my profile a few times, and finally wrote after I uploaded pictures of myself from New Year's Eve (which have also been a big hit on Facebook among friends and admirers):

just saying hello

So I said "hello" back.

have we ever chatted ? i recognise u from somewhere

YBH responded. I hear this a lot. I even heard it at the Nefesh conference -- a woman I'd never met was convinced she'd met me at a previous conference. Since this was my first conference, I thought that was unlikely.

I don't think so. I tend to look like someone everyone knows. I was at a conference today, and someone else asked me where we'd met, and we hadn't ;)

YBH demonstrated a very slight flair for witty retorts:

oh so ur that famous looking girl

I agreed.

i like dating famous looking girls

was his next sally. Why would a guy wearing a black hat in his profile picture want to date me? More importantly, why would I want to date him?

I'm surprised that I'm your type.

YBH took mild offense.

well first off why not u dont even know me i dont know u either

Keep it light....

true, but my picture doesn't shout "Bais Yaakov" ;)

Seriously -- I'm a dedicated professional, and I'm not interested in living in Lakewood. I love NYC.

Oh yeah -- I forgot to mention YBH lives in Lakewood, not exactly a bastion of modern orthodoxy. Nothing wrong with Lakewood, but it's just not me.

i could live anywhere and im not looking for the bais y type

This is why we correspond with people -- to see if there's potential. And keeping an open mind about people opens more possibilities. So I'll keep an open mind. Let's see if we have anything in common.

Okay... What kind of music do you like?

This is a very clever question designed to determine whether YBH engages in the surrounding culture or has immersed himself in a frum-only world. If he says "Avrohom Fried" or "Miami Boys Choir" I can tell we're got very different interests in music, at the very least.

well im basically not a music fanatic i hapen to like madonna nelly f........

Hm. Not the answer I was expecting. But a pretty good one. We don't share musical tastes, but at least he's not afraid of popular culture.

that would explain why you like this pic of me ;)

what kind of books do u like?

It's a very sexy picture. Not entirely immodest, but it wouldn't get posted on OnlySimchas.

one sec? what r u saying?

Not too quick on the uptake, or maybe I wasn't clear.

It's a joke. The gemara says red is an inherently immodest color. Madonna and Nelly aren't known for their tremendous tzanua. I suppose neither am I. I don't wear pants, but I do wear close-fitting and rather low-cut clothes.

Letting YBH know upfront who and what I am.

i like u allready

Interesting.

but do you respect me? and could you introduce me to your mother?

Since I don't want to waste my time with another guy who just wants to spend time with a sexy chick and not make an honest woman out of her.

sure what the hell why not u dont even know me talk to me on the phone im a regular guy very worldly normal

It's just hard for me to see guys in black hats as "worldly" and "normal." I'm not even entirely sure why they wear the hats. But anytime anyone wears a uniform voluntarily -- black suit, white shirt, no tie, black hat -- I get a little nervous. I don't get it. Maybe it's provincial or ignorant of me, but I don't see why a man has to dress like every other man in his community. Or keep cholov yisroel. Or not have a TV or go to movies.

Do you go to movies?

"Sure," he responded. So I gave him my phone number and we talked on the phone. Not for long -- it was late and I was tired after the conference. I'm not sure if there's anything there, but it's worth having coffee. If he asks me -- when I told him it was late and I needed to go, he asked when he should call again.

"Call when you want to," I said lightly.

"I don't want to be stalking you," he said.

"I have caller ID," I quipped. "If I'm not in the mood to talk, I'll screen." He laughed. We'll see.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. He has a weird blinking thing

    He may have blepharitis & not be aware of it - I have it. I used to blink an awful lot, but now scrub my eyes with baby shampoo every time I shower & it helps.

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