Sunday, February 08, 2009

Can't see what's RIGHT in front of his nose

A little while back I emailed a guy on Frumster who is divorced with a kid and 7 years my junior. This is what he says he's looking for:

I'm looking for a woman who has a great sense of humor and the ability to balance it with seriousness. She would have to know who she is and would have to be able to express herself fearlessly. I would also like her to be warm, kind, caring, sweet and not materialistic.

I want a woman who is kind to everyone around her. someone who says thank you to a waiter when he fills her glass of water. i want someone who is affectionate, both physically and emotionally. someone who can be my best friend and equal partner in life. Someone who doesn't play games and is open and straightforward with what she wants and needs. Someone who thinks of me as her soul mate as much as I think of her as my soul mate. Basically, i'm looking for my best friend and companion; my other half.

an appreciation of Metallica is not required but would be sooo cool.

Well, I don't like Metallica, but everything else just hollers "Ayelet." I figured the divorce and kid might balance out the age gap, but apparently not -- Metallica Fan just couldn't see himself dating a woman 7 years older.

Fine, whatever, I don't go where I'm not invited. Then about a month later MF spontaneously wrote me:

i just wanted to say hello again and tell you that i like reading your posts in the forum. they bring some much needed sanity to the discussions. have a great day!

I responded politely:

I like yours too. I could never have told Andrew the Accountant he needs therapy, but clearly he does!

AtA is an idiot who has major issues with women, lawyers, rabbis, ophthalmologists who perform LASIK surgery, what he perceives as a lack of respect for his profession (apparently the only honest profession, since all the others are full of crooks and swindlers), and anyone who disagrees with him. He's posted hundreds of illiterate rants on a bewildering variety of topics. As far as I'm concerned, he is going to die alone and childless if he doesn't shut up soon. Another thing MF and I agree on -- several times he's seconded my AtA rebuttals. Then MF posted:

Ayelet, it's one thing to say that you want to date people you find intellectually on par with you, but quite another thing to say that garbage collectors and janitors are automatically below your dating standards. It's fine if you want to say it, but honesty demands that you don't conceal it with the idea that you are looking for good conversation. If good conversation was really the main focus of that poster's search, the job would not matter; the person would.

I think we all know what the intention was behind her statement; we just may not come right out and say it. perhaps some of us are too polite or shy. and perhaps others don't want their posts removed by the Frumster staff (again) ;-)

Either way, her statement speaks for itself. I had previously looked at her profile and marked it as a favorite. after reading her post, i changed my mind. I cannot even think about dating someone who would categorize people like that. People who clean or remove garbage for a living are still people who care enough to support themselves and possibly their families. They may very well be intelligent, self-educated people who simply can't get another job. Or they don't have a problem doing that type of work in the first place. Either way, they're still people who are far more than their job titles.

He put me on his favorites list? Why? I'm too old for him, allegedly. And I think he's taking what I said waaaaaaaaaay too far. So I wrote:

Slow down, MF. I never said I "automatically" reject men solely based on their occupation or education. I look at a person's entire profile and what they have to say about their personal qualities and hashkafa as well as their job description. If Dilbert's garbageman asked me on a date, I very well might go. If he were shomer shabbat, that is.

I *have* gone out with men, as I said, who have less education than I do and more menial jobs. While on the date, I usually determined that we weren't compatible. Sometimes you can also tell from a phone call. If the person asks you to define every other word you use, that's not a good sign.

So I don't judge people "automatically." The fact that you were so quick to accuse me of doing that... makes me wonder if the concept might hit a little too close to *your* home. But I'm not a Freudian analyst, and I don't want to read too much into what people post. As for no longer being one of your "favorites" -- somehow I think my heart will go on.

He has a lot more class than I do. Instead of responding with a public post, he sent me an email:

Ayelet, i just read your response to something i wrote about a week ago regarding rejecting someone for having a menial job. i think you misunderstood something i wrote. specifically, when i was referring to removing someone from my 'favorites' list, i was talking about the woman who made the initial statement about not wanting to ever date a garbage man etc.

if you and i were closer in age, i would jump at the chance to meet you. as i've said before, i admire your posts and think you are a very smart woman.

i'm sorry if my post was insulting to you at all. it wasn't meant to be.

Open mouth, insert foot. I wrote back:

I was wondering why I would have been on your favorites in the first place ;) Thanks for clarifying.

But then I thought I should have said something like, "If you're not interested in me just because of my age, it's really your loss." I didn't, though.

MF has 2 cats and started a forum topic about pet ownership vs. finding your true love:

i'm hoping to find someone who loves animals -- or can at least tolerate them. my family had cats since before i was born. i was raised always having pets; cats in particular. i hope to not have to choose between a wife and my cats because it will be a painful choice, even if it is an obvious choice.

people who have never had pets don't understand the joy that pets can bring to your life. each animal has its own unique personality and interacts with you in its own unique way. that doesn't begin to substitute for the companionship of a spouse, but losing that companionship would be painful.

Then somebody suggested that a pet lover whose intended absolutely can't tolerate animals could compromise by having a fish tank. I wrote:

Fish are not pets. Fish are food.

My sincere belief -- shared by, of course, MF:

I just read Ayelet's comment. It couldn't be more true as I have a couple fillets of salmon in my oven. :-)

Could it be any more obvious that we should go out?? Men are idiots.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. Well, maybe for him the "more obvious" would be a big sign post stating that you two should go out that fell either on his car or his head?
    I don't know, but I believe that men tend to be slower about those things.