Thursday, March 05, 2009

The Dr. R seal of approval

"I think this relationship has potential," said Dr. R after I filled him in on jockitch -- the good, the bad, and the issues.

"You never say anything that direct about anything," I joked. "What makes jockitch different?"

"He has experience with relationships," mused the good doctor. "He has been married before, he had a girlfriend for several months. He likes to be in relationships. He needs your support and attention."

"But he doesn't want to keep kosher," I pointed out.

"He is used to keeping kosher inside the house. Many people are more kosher inside the house than out," Dr. R noted. "Maybe you could compromise."

"True," I said hesitantly. "It's not like I'd ask him every evening when he came home, 'What did you have for lunch?'"

"And he already has children," said Dr. R. "So you would not need to have any."

"But I still want to have a baby," I said. "I'm not ready to give up on that. Even though it's risky, given my illness. But I don't think he wants any more kids. He has four.

"Also, he's only been divorced a year, and who knows if he's ready for a real relationship?" I continued. "He didn't like his girlfriend very much -- or his wife, for that matter. But he kind of went along out of inertia until they left him. That doesn't mean he's ready to commit to a real marriage. I could invest 6 or 9 months and go nowhere."

"That is always a risk with anyone," concluded Dr. R, sounding more like himself. Sigh. I went to work, still a little annoyed about Zoya and AFG.

It was a grueling day. I've been working late hours, trying to process a whole bunch of new intakes. Sometimes I feel like, "Why do all these men come into my office and complain so much?" I don't know if it's compassion fatigue or just fatigue. The latter, I think. My sleep still isn't that great.

I thought I'd feel better if I told jockitch that Dr. R approved of him. Jockitch has been the teensiest bit jealous about the whole acupuncture party thing.

"All your boyfriends are going to be there," he said. "I don't want to go."

"Only one guy's remotely interested in me," I said at the time. He wasn't swayed. So I called jockitch to let him know that not even AFG is remotely interested.

Hard to tell if he was pleased. Jockitch isn't shy about expressing his feelings, but his affect doesn't alter much. I haven't seen him get really angry or really happy. He's very mellow. So when he said he might be too tired to get together tonight, I was kind of annoyed. He didn't seem any more tired than usual.

"When do you think you'll be able to let me know?" I asked, with a touch of sarcasm.

"Call me at the end of your day," he said. Fine, whatever. I did so. He was still tired. "Call me when you get home," he said. Fine, whatever. I did so. He was still tired.

"I don't think I can pick you up, take you out, take you home, and then drive home," he said. "What's the closest subway stop to you?"

"I'm too tired to take the subway," I said, "and you're too tired to drive. I don't think it's going to happen."

"Okay," he said, sounding a little hurt. "We'll call it a night."

Was I being too picky, expecting him to pick me up and take me home? Granted, I don't have a car, but driving can be tiring too, especially if you're already exhausted. I probably don't have a good reason to be annoyed, but I am.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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