Sunday, March 22, 2009

The upside of anxiety.

Not all anxieties are created equal. A few years ago, depressed anxiety made me gain 20 pounds by eating every Entenmann's donut I could get my hands on. This time around, though, I'm not eating like a maniac. In fact, I usually don't feel like eating -- only when I feel very hungry or dizzy.

I'm still very uncomfortable -- facilitating groups is pure hell, because I've only got about 15% of my brain function; the rest is ruminating frantically. So it's hard to follow everything everyone says and formulate coherent responses. My clients are sharp; you can't phone this job in.

Apparently, however, there's the tiniest of silver linings, because I'm losing weight. Only 1.5 pounds so far, but every bit helps. (Also helps that my local grocery store has stopped selling Lofthouse cookies, but even if they had them, I don't think I'd eat an entire box at a sitting.)

I finished my taxes this morning, e-filed, and then pretty much slept the rest of the day. I'm trying not to drink coffee because of the anxiety -- I assume it could only make things worse -- and in my overheated apartment, there's not much else to do but play on the computer, read, or sleep. At work I drink one cup of green tea every day -- no more.

I did talk on the phone with Yeshivish Black Hat. Remember him? We spoke about 2.5 months ago, back when I was trying to play strictly by The Rules and driving men off even more efficiently than I usually do. I saw him on Frumster and sent him an IM (I re-joined to read a message someone sent me, and shouldn't have bothered). He responded with surprise: hadn't thought I was interested. I told him I'd been playing hard to get, and apparently succeeded. So he called, and we're supposedly going out sometime this week.

For the record, I see LL online all the time on Frumster. Not a word. No idea what I did wrong. Never should have bought him that CD.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

No comments:

Post a Comment