Friday, March 13, 2009

Why do some married women think they know EVERYTHING?

I don't know why I accepted her as a FB friend. I never liked her in person. But I did, and now the Relationship Maven (RM) knows too much about my life. She reads and comments on my status updates, and she sends me snotty little know-it-all emails disguised as caring.

How was your Purim?

she wrote.


I responded. (That was being generous.) After defining "meh" for her -- she doesn't watch "The Simpsons" -- I stated that my whole social life is "meh" right now.

ah, you cant let the jerks get to you, or theyve won

she commented sagely. Duh. I don't know why I bothered, but I wrote back:

he's not a jerk -- that's the problem. He just doesn't know what he wants out of life.

Mistake. Now she's intrigued.

commitaphobia or peter pan syndrome

Sigh. RM clearly has no idea what jockitch is all about. What does Ayelet do? Does Ayelet ignore the annoying would-be know-it-all? No, Ayelet tries to enlighten her.

you're trying to reduce a very complicated person to a cliché. he was railroaded young into a very bad marriage, kind of had a bunch of kids when his wife wanted them (without really being consulted), was divorced by her unexpectedly, doesn't want any more kids, and is also not sure whether he wants to keep his job in the family business but doesn't know what else he might want to do. He's living one day at a time. I need to plan for my future. It can't work.

You'd think that would shut her up, but noooooooooo......

Wow, thats some package.. I never met you personally, but from what I do know of you, I feel that you really deserve better.

Why do you need to be part of a soap opera. I find it hard to believe that there isnt a nice normal menshlic, guy out there. Maybe he doesnt look like Brad Pitt (ok Im showing my age), and maybe he isnt a very affluent professional, or the life of the party. Just a decent honest guy who will be good to you.

She really knows how to state the obvious. Of course I deserve better, and of course my standards aren't as ridiculous as she paints them.

So of course I try to explain....

I'm not looking for a rich Brad Pitt charmer. But I have to be able to talk to the guy and enjoy his company. I don't know why there's so much drama in my life. I really don't try to attract it. It just happens. This year alone a married guy fell in love with me, and then I met the guy I described to you. There are no normal, single guys who want me. I don't know why that is.

(I took down all the posts about the married guy, but loyal readers will remember that little dramafest.)

You lead a interesting life..:) How did you meet the married guy. Did you know he was married from the beginning or he deceived you. Where did you meet the other guy.

Its been my experience, that if friends introduce you, or you go to 'wholesome' singles events that are on the up and up, statistically there are better odds of meeting normal decent guys. No guarantees they wont be jerks or that there will be chemistry, but at least you wont have all the Drama.

Gee, why didn't I think of asking my friends to set me up? Why -- I believe I did!!!!! But I'm still nice...

It's like the Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times."

I met the married guy on Facebook. He was an old high school acquaintance -- actually he knew my sister and I knew his, he sent me an email, I responded... and it got totally out of hand. Things are fine now, it's an appropriate friendship, but it was really annoying that a guy who couldn't marry me fell completely in love with me, and available guys don't.

I met the other guy on Facebook too. And honestly, I go to all the "wholesome" singles events and ask friends to set me up. Nothing happens.

Does RM have an answer for that? Of course she does.

This may be reaching a bit, but is it possible that you are very desirable, but also somewhat intimidating. Hence, married guys have much less fear of rejection

Gevalt. Of course it's my fault.

Maybe. I'm very intimidating, I know that for sure. But I don't know how to turn it off.

How can I be anyone I'm not?

Off hand, Id recomend seeing a counselor. Often, in the Jewish Press, there are ads in the singles section for workshops where men and women get together and learn new approches to socializing.

I haven't responded to that because I'm too exasperated with RM at this point. I can't tell if she has a point or if she's just got her head up her tuchus. Who goes to the Jewish Press for anything but restaurant addresses?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. If you ever (and I mean ever!) find out why no single, normal guys fall for normal girls, please let me know! I'm in a similar situation - my life's a comedy (for others, anyway)... ;-)

  2. Darling, you diagnosed your own problem 12 paragraphs ago. You should've dropped this conversation with RM after "Meh."

    Also, for your edification, I'll tell you who goes to the Jewish Press for dating help: People whose wardrobes stopped evolving in the mid-70s and whose grooming habits stopped, entirely, in 1997.

    As an educated, professional human being living in 2009, you don't need new 'approches' to socializing. You need friends and correspondents who aren't looking to reduce everything into easily digested advice bites.

    Gaah! Now *I* want to throttle her. Thanks a lot :)

  3. Please say tuchus. :)

  4. Listen, I as a man don't really understand why "female bonding" isn't as natural as male bonding. I can't fur the life of me understand why women are so critical of each other.

    There is no such thing as a normal guy, anybody who suggests you find a normal guy has no clue. I have dated both women and men, each individual seems unique, some have trust issues (common in women) some have money trouble, some have had legal trouble, its called life, it isn't about how much trouble you have, but how you deal with it.

    If the fellow you are interested in is in love with you, forget that mrs. Nosey that likely has a far from perfect husband. When men get married we become little boys again and women become like moms to us, likely we marry women that are much like our moms. So being that married women take on a more dominate role in the relationship they tend to think like a mother, and mother knows best.

    But love can actually conquer all, that is the only real ingredient that is necessary that a man brings to the relationship. I know men that stay at home and watch the kids, do laundry and cook their wives are the bread winners. One I know has a drug possession felony from when he was 14, he is now 46, looks after two teenagers and a ten year old, cooks and does house work, they are madly in love and have been married for 19 years.

    So work out what is right for you, listen to others advice but filter it through what you know and feel if the advice is contradictory to your desire and knowledge than it is bad advice.