Thursday, April 23, 2009

How to lose friends and alienate people

Believe it or not, I do listen to the comments people leave on here, even when I don't like what they say. I do try to reflect on my own behavior and reactions, to see how others perceive them, since that often differs from my own perception or intentions. And I hold back from saying things that I know would be both deliberately hurtful, even if true, in response to criticism.

I'm not sending out any negative energy to anyone. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I'm just trying to make sense of my own hurt and portray it honestly. I wouldn't blame Shimona if she stopped reading my blog, although I'll certainly be more careful if I post about her again.

I don't know what else to say. I wouldn't want to think that my own bitterness about being single is blocking me from getting married, as some have suggested. If I can't vent on here, what am I supposed to do -- suppress my feelings entirely?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Ayelet

    I hope we can talk in person soon. You sound so sad in this post. I am glad you heard what I was saying though.

    I don't think you have lost any friends, either. We all love you so much.

    Of course you should vent about your feelings. As I said it's a bit tricky to vent specifically about people who read your blog--and this has happened before.

    If something sensitive like this comes up again, maybe call me, or Carmen, or another good friend, and vent offline.

    With hindsight, that comment I made about your bitterness re marriage was probably a low blow. Although I still do think you need to resolve it, for the sake of your own happiness. It is eating you up. Have you thought about discussing it with a therapist? Maybe there are limits to how far a blog can go as a therapy substitute. Certainly I know you believe in therapy, given what you do for a living.

    I do think you will eventually get married--as a friend once said to me, anyone who really really is determined to get married usually does, eventually!

    Please hang in there and take care of yourself. I hope we can talk soon. Probably better than communicating this way.

  2. Could you stop saying EVENTUALLY?

  3. You shouldn't suppress your feelings entirely - you should just weigh when and how to express them. Which you do. Sigh. There's no right answer here.

    Unfortunately, people say things and hurt one another.

    I think it's ultimately more important to recognize that, despite the occasional inelegant phrasing or inevitable faux pas or inadvertent insult, our friendship isn't going anywhere, and we care.

  4. Yafa Shulamit9/29/2010 2:24 AM

    As a reader who does NOT know you, it's disappointing to know you've had to hold back (even take down posts about a married man debacle) to consider the feelings of those about whom you write. I wish there were some way to make a blog that would hide the potentially hurtful but completely earnest post from those you know, while still allowing complete strangers who know you only by your alias to access everything! (Like the opposite of being password protected? Mere knowledge of the password results in a pop up message wagging a finger: "Nuh uh uh! Not for your eyes!") I feel like some strange voyeur now...but I'm so engrossed in your story!