Friday, April 24, 2009

Why is it always the wrong men who like me?

A Facebook friend posted a status update lauding Donald Trump. I responded:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You cannot love the tackiest, creepiest, most narcissistic person in the world!

Among several responses was this one from a guy named Stu:

He imparts dubious values and represents a dreadful aesthetic. He creates nothing worthwhile and 'plays' the system like any other fat cat without conscience. But I'm sure he's a good host and nice to children.

I liked that and commented:

Donald Trump said that men who can "afford to date supermodels" and do not are "stupid." He said, "If Ivanka weren't my daughter, I wouldn't be dating her." He is an absolutely revolting human being. Peter, love sometimes defies expectations and sometimes it just boggles the mind. This is a case of the latter. Also, what Stu said.

Another commenter exhorted us to "love one another." Stu commented:

I now ♥ Ayelet.

Fine, whatever, he's being cute. I'll play along:

feeling's mutual, Stu ;) How do you do the heart?

He sent me an email:

subject: now you have it


That does me no good.

How do I deploy it -- cut and paste?

I asked.

oh no, it's not that easy. first you have to unlock it by finding me irresistibly charming, then we have to fall in love for real, and when you move in with me you will know the secret to all effective fonts. . .but yes, cutting and pasting will do in the meantime. what a nice punim.

That's a little forward.

I never live with a man. It's marriage or nothing. But I do find you very charming.

He replied:

let's start with facebook friendship, ms equally charming. if it's bashert--so be it! :-)

I accepted his friend request and said:

Done. First step, that is.

He said:

oh, someone took coy 101. i like you already.

It would be really funny if this were the way I really met -- but wait. His FB profile gives his religion as "salad-bar Jew." That's not exactly "modern orthodox." This could be a problem. And how old is this guy? His latest status update is:

My heart breaks for Jimmy Breslin, who yesterday has lost his daughter, Kelly, 44, to a latent heart condition. He also lost his daughter Rosemary a few years back, another angel. (I was her editor at New York Newsday.) I was Jimmy's copy boy 30 years ago at the Daily News, and I know him to be a mensch under that gruff manner, a more-than-decent human being who must be suffering today, and I really feel for him.

He was a copyboy 30 years ago? I was very young 30 years ago. And I should look at people's profiles before starting to flirt with them. Let's pour some cold water on this dog.

Mind if I ask how old you are?

much older than you, we both know this. 52, or 104 in facebook/aol years. but i have a pulse, and i am a good dancer for a white straight guy.

Too old. Not frum. Why is it all the wrong men like me, and the guys I want have no use for me? Well, no use drawing this out. I told him I wasn't comfortable with the age difference.

that's all right, i'm not comfortable with the sudden loss of charm in your expression.

Ouch. But what did he expect? One of the reasons I can't stand Donald Trump is the way he objectifies women -- anyone over 40 is over the hill in his eyes. Shouldn't that indicate I don't want to date men who are an entire teenager older than I aim?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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