Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Ziva Kramer hasn't gotten me a date yet, but she has paid me the ultimate compliment: imitation.

I started a Facebook group for my blog to send updates to my readers. So far about 99 of them have joined. (Feel free to join if you haven't!) I send out links to new blog posts. I try to keep it down to 3 per day.

Now Ziva has started sending out her blog posts to her Facebook group. I'm flattered ;) Actually, I shouldn't take credit; another blogger I know does this too.

But I'm also freaked out by an article that the Kallah posted: a book review of Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel and Act the Way We Do, by Wednesday Martin. As the reviewer puts it,

Martin comes at this book armed with plenty of personal experience to back it up: She married a man with two teenage daughters, one of whom lived with him full-time. Despite her efforts to win over both girls, they often rejected her outright, criticized her openly, and sought both overtly and indirectly to drive a wedge between her and her new husband.

It worked, too -- Martin found herself furious at her husband for not having her back when trouble arose. But most of all, she felt like a huge failure for first time in her life. How had all of her good intentions and careful efforts amounted to nothing?

I've felt like a failure many a time. But this terrified me. Baltimore Guy has two daughters aged 15 and 16. How could I handle moving to a new city where I don't know anybody, a new husband, a new psychiatrist, and three stepchildren -- two of them teenagers? He has custody of the younger two. All of the stepmothers in the book had a really rough time. Even the reviewer had a rough time -- she's also a stepmother. I can't do it.

I've been feeling completely miserable about trying to get to know Baltimore Guy, overlooking all the things that make me uncomfortable: age difference, religious level discrepancy, different city, half-grown stepchildren. He's like a perfect dating storm. Now I feel it would be madness to even try. It's all too much.

This can't be what Gd has planned for me -- send me from the frying pan of single NYC life into the fire of Baltimore stepparenting? My life is supposed to get better.

Ziva keeps emphasizing that I need emuna. I was trying to believe that Gd wants me to leave my comfort zone. But this is so far outside my comfort zone, I'm completely uncomfortable. I'm in agony.

I guess that next time Baltimore Guy contacts me, I'll tell him I've thought it over and I don't think it would work.

I'm meeting with another matchmaker on Sunday. In Long Island. Yes, I'm taking the damn LIRR on the off chance that she can introduce me to somebody. I asked her if she had men in my age range, and she claims she does. If I don't get any dates out of this wild goose chase, I'll be very annoyed. After that, I guess I'll rejoin Frumster. After that... well, the other remedy I'm trying should have kicked in.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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