Monday, May 25, 2009

I'm *really* not attracted to him

I had a date today. There was a guy on Frumster I contacted a while back -- screenname Hopeful, aged one year younger than I -- who never responded. After I rejoined, he checked out my profile again a couple of times, and then emailed me. After exchanging a few emails we shifted to IM.

Hopeful describes himself as 6'2", with an "athletic" build. Divorced, with more than one child. His occupation is given as "CEO of nonprofit Jewish organization." He says he has smicha as well as a doctorate. His photo was password-protected, and I was curious.

Ayelet: so do I get the password to ur photo? ;)
Hopeful: ok - u got me - 1525 it is

I looked. Tall, kind of burly, bald, with a beard. Not really my type, but I'm trying to date against type these days.

Ayelet: very distinguished
Hopeful: thnx - can u guess what 1525 stands for in hebrew
Ayelet: love! how romantic!
Hopeful: Bingo - ur stocks just went up. so wanna meet for coffe
Ayelet: sure
Hopeful: :)where and when
Ayelet: what's good 4 u?
Hopeful: I'm flexible - I haven't had breakfast yet
Ayelet: neither have I, we could go to Bagel Basket or Bagels & Co.
Hopeful: is this where all the frumies go
Ayelet: no, they go to the airport ;)
Hopeful: is it romantic?
Ayelet: anyplace is romantic if ur with the right person
Hopeful: let's meet in Lala? on 83 st - u know what I mean
Ayelet: cafe lalo? sure

Cafe Lalo's is one of those places where you can have coffee and some of the cakes, but the rest of the food isn't kosher. I figured he wasn't going to feed me, had a snack, got ready, and went.

I was running about 10 minutes late -- very unusual for me. When I got there, he'd already had a cup of coffee. I guess I shouldn't have been annoyed -- after all, I was late and he was waiting. But I was kind of miffed.

I sat down and we started chatting. He put some papers into a big manila envelope.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Oh, it's for a case," he said.

"You're a lawyer?" I asked.

"No... it has to do with my organization," he said.

"What organization is that?" I asked.

"It's a synagogue," he said.

"You're the executive director?" I asked.

"Actually, I'm the rabbi," he said.

Huh? "That's not exactly what it says on your Frumster profile," I said nicely, not accusingly.

"Actually, in my contract it says I'm the CEO," he informed me.

Okay. The waitress brought us menus.

"The quiche is terrific here," he said. "What would you like?"

Uh... kosher food? "I know they have some cakes that are kosher..." I started.

"Oh, there's no meat served in this restaurant," he said. "The owners are Israeli. I know them."

"I... if I'm in New York City, I'd rather go to a kosher place," I said hesitantly.

"Whatever you want," he said pleasantly. He reached back to put on his jacket, and his chest... wobbled. Not exactly an "athletic" build.

We went to Cafe Blossom (excellent entrees, deplorable cheesecake). Interestingly, he washed for his sandwich; I wondered if he would have washed at Cafe Lalo if they served bread.

I tried to enjoy his conversation. He's a very smart and learned man. But all I kept wondering was: what else is he lying about? His age? The reason for his divorce? (He said that his wife had serious brain damage subsequent to two car accidents before he married her, and he didn't find out until they were married.)

On top of my doubts, I am really not attracted to him. I tried to find something nice about his looks, but his beard is patchy, his eyes are beady, his hair is graying and wiry, and his body... less said the better. I guess I'll go out with him again if he asks, but I'm so not attracted to him.

Also, I don't want to be a rebbetzin. I don't want that kind of public life. Especially in a Conservative synagogue in Long Island.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. How could this guy abandon his wife?

  2. How can a man of God, marry someone withouth knowing such important details as a car accident that left you brain damaged? And again, how can you not stand next to someone you love just for that? Strange

  3. Ah, the joys of online dating...


  4. Apparently the brain damage made her behavior very difficult to deal with. He said he was set up with her and she came highly recommended, he wasn't told about the brain damage, and they got married very quickly.

  5. Sounds like a convenient back-story that leaves him blameless. And thus, it's too simple and too pat.

    Also, if he's a rabbi, why isn't he makpid on kashrut?


  6. Oy. Another guy who's not 100% straighforward. I understand not putting all your cards on the table until you meet, and others once you're getting serious, but what the heck is he a CEO or a Rabbi? I don't care what his contract says or not, what is he? Is he observant or not? Does he keep kosher or not? If he's a rabbi I assume he knows what kosher is and an Israeli is not a replacement for a mashgiach. He sounds like someone who isn't frum at all, "I'm sure its kosher, the owner is Israeli!" Like Israelis don't eat treife, and violate all kinds of other commandments? And you're concerned about his beady eyes? Please.

    Quiche is made with cheese. Does he guarantee the cheese is kosher? Was he in the kitchen?

    A Rebbetzin? If you marry this guy you definitely won't be a rebbetzin, you might not even be so observant anymore. This isn't the "becoming observant and growning" guy, this is the "I'm a CEO/Rabbi and I know it all" guy.

    Keep going out with him and maybe you can straighten him out. Be blunt about his hipocrisy.

    But don't marry him.