Monday, May 11, 2009

Less comfortable with Baltimore Guy

Baltimore Guy, to his credit, got right back to me.

Good Morning, thanks for taking time to write.

Cant stand communicating thru these sites, so here is my email unless you prefer conversation as I do. 410 555-1234.

I am a realtor. Daughters 16, 15 and son 11. Joint custody, although most Holidays and Shabbosim are mine. The oldest prefers living with her mother. Been separated since May 07. Get delivered 9 months ago.

What I find to be fun? Too lengthy to list. 2 questions for starters: What are you wearing in the picture? and why the low height preference?

Where to start... First, I don't like going right to phone or email because I still don't know the person and using the website provides a buffer. Just in case he turns out to be nasty or vindictive or pesty.

A realtor. Great job in this economy.

Daughters 15 and 16? Yikes! I'm not sure I'm up for being the stepmother of teenage girls. Although if he's been separated since May 2007, he's probably ready to date again.

And why can't you list at least one or two things you like to do for fun? I get that you don't like communicating via the website, but if that's what I'm comfortable with, deal.

The garment he's questioning is a blue velvet cape. I was wearing it for Purim -- dressed up as a sorceress. Height preference is because I'm short, so I prefer short guys.

I'm too annoyed to write back right now. Maybe unjustifiably so. What do you think?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. If sharing your experiences on this blog and asking its readers for their reactions is a social experiment, then I understand.

    If, however, you are seriously trying to find a date in this manner, then I must be missing something.

  2. It's not a social experiement nor a plea for dates. I am living with bipolar disorder, and the blog describes my struggles to work, live, date, and sustain friendships despite my illness. Believe me, I'm not trying to attract men by blogging!

  3. I didn't think he said anything objectionable.
    However if you are unenthused or turned off for whatever reason and your gut is giving you queasy vibes then tell him politely you are not interested. No need to analyze it further.

  4. Continued from last blog...

    He doesn't like to communicate this way. You do. That makes it awkward but not impossible. I'm sure if you explain it like you did he'll understand. If he doesn't then he's not the guy for you. But simply because you like this venue and he doesn't, I wouldn't call that a deal breaker in a shidduch. "Hey Rebbitzen, I just don't think I can date this guy. I mean, he doesn't like to email and I do."

    What if while you're dating you want to IM and he doesn't? Are you going to break it off?

    What if he likes to text message and you don't?


    C'mon. Give it a bit more of a chance.

    If not, please add this short prayer to your shmoneh esrei "Dear Lord, please make my holy zivug like the same type of electronic communication as me."

  5. Rules of the game when dating on the internet are that you communicate at first by the website. But I have never had anyone tell me that emails are verbotten.

    HOWEVER, I give them a secondary email that I can always do without such as hotmail which allows you to block the person should you find them disgusting for some reason.

    That way you do have a safety net. It is not your primary email and you can block him if he gets to be a bad apple. Plus he will not be able to find out your personal information via hotmail.

    Tell him that you prefer to get to know him by email for awhile before you give him your phone number. Tell him you had a negative experience and prefer this sort of buffer until you know each other better.

    If he cannot respect those sort of boundaries then he will be gone immediately and you will never hear from him and won't have to worry. Simple as that.

  6. 15 and 16 year-old daughters? Should it work out (please G-d), you wouldn't marry tomorrow. Honey, they will be GROWN and out of the house in the blink of an eye. And that's not even touching the fact that he has joint custody - 50% of the time you would be a child free couple. To me, this is not a deal breaker.

  7. I realize this blog is not a plea for dates. Although, It does seem to be a request for dating advice.

    Reading the post and its responses; it occurs to me that I am looking the blueprints for your sand castle in the sky.

    With each response, including this one, that sand castle grows larger.

    If you do indeed build it, my advice to you is: "please don't move in".