Sunday, May 31, 2009

My latest Ziva update

Ziva wants me to keep her apprised of my dating efforts, so I'm going to send her this:

Dear Ziva,

Well, I've started reading The Garden of Emuna. I'm about halfway through. The first day I truly tried to concentrate on this book, I was headed to meet someone in Long Island. I was so intent that I missed my stop and ended up going to the end of the line, and had to get on another train to go back.

I'd have to say that my faith and belief have truly been tested by various circumstances in my life, and it's hard for me to cry out to Gd and ask for help. Even harder not to feel envy of those whose lives don't appear nearly as difficult. But I am trying.

I rejoined Frumster and sent out several emails to various gentlemen. Not all of them have responded. I find this kind of ironic, as many of them appear to ask for women to contact them. As with this British chap:

I am a relaxed, warm and friendly person. I am sporty and enjoy football and regular work-outs at the gym. I am a software developer by profession and work for a financial media firm. If my profile interests you, then why not get in touch.

So I wrote:

subject: your profile interests me ;)

I like what you say about yourself; you seem like a very nice guy. I've been in Heathrow Airport but that's as much of England as I've seen. It's very clean and well organized. What kind of Sephardi are you? Best, Ayelet

No response. Another guy wrote this as his self-description:

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to learn about me.

This service has a weak link in the sense that you are listening to me describe me. You will get something from it, but for the most part it's a grain of salt in comparison to meeting any one individual. Hoping you feel the same.

With that in mind, I will say that I'm a enthusiastic, energized, engaging and a happy person. I find great satisfaction in many measures of my work and look forward to dealing with a variety of challenges in the life that Hashem enables me to grow and develop. I'm told that my creativity is great and my ability to go after challenging situations and succeed at them is high, both in work and out. As growth is a process and needs to be nurtured, most good things need to be nurtured into your structure. I became who I am over a long period of time and unless I interrupted my patterns successfully... the change and thus growth was not achieved.

There is an American writer who I think said "most men live lives of quiet desperation"...I'm living mine knowing that I would never let that happen. If you see yourself on a clear path to growing, we might have something to talk about...but dating when you are not going in that direction is a real unnecessary struggle. I just think that you have to be working at becoming great on your own first and get somewhere with it... then you know who you... then you can become complete with someone else... but then again, we are all great works in you agree?

I wrote to him:

Subject: It was Thoreau

Thoreau said "most men live lives of quiet desperation." I'm glad to see you're not one of them. Ayelet

No response from that missive either. The third guy seemed really to know who he is and whom he's looking for:

This is how I describe myself:

I am thoughtful, introspective and sensitive. I try to maintain a balance between achieving excellence in my professional life and learning Torah - not always an easy task but the most important things in life are often a challenge. I am a romantic at heart. I still believe in soul mates and being able to have a relationship that makes someone feel that they could only achieve their full potential with that person by their side. And yet, I am also practical and level-headed.

This is what I am looking for in a mate:

I am looking for a woman who believes that the relationship between husband and wife is one of the most important things in the world. It is worth struggling and praying and searching for... Because you believe that it can be sacred and unique and give you the ability to grow as a person, to help another person in their path and to bring new lives to this world. Although you may have your career, you believe that family always comes first. You believe that you will build this relationship on trust, faith and love and lay a solid foundation for a home and children. You realize the responsibility and commitment that marriage entails... And you believe that it is possible to have a relationship where just seeing the other person makes you smile.

So I wrote:

Subject: how does a girl get your photo password? ;)

I agree with you that it's vital to prioritize the relationship between husband and wife -- and that it's worth holding out for the right person! I really liked what you wrote about the type of woman you're looking for, and about yourself. If you like my profile, I'd love to get to know you better.

b'shalom, Ayelet

All of these guys are close to my age -- maybe two years older. In terms of hashkafa, I would think we were fairly compatible. Maybe it's how I wrote to them? But then, none of them has actually read the emails I sent.

I did go out with one guy I met on Frumster, but as he was quite different from the way he represented himself online, it didn't really go anywhere.

Anyway, I'm still trying, which proves I must have at least some emuna -- or I'd have to think I'm totally wasting my time.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. ask questions! The best way to get someone to write back to you on dating websites is to ask provocative questions (based on their profile) that gives them something to respond to. Maybe a few questions. That helps the conversation start more easily (this is true in real life too- everyone loves talking about themselves, so asking them about themselves is a great way to get people to think you are a stand up gal)