Sunday, May 10, 2009

You decide

Should I go out with this guy? He lives in Baltimore. Seven years older than I am.

Marital Status: Divorced

Height: 5' 10"

Build: Athletic

Hair color: Brown

Eye color: Hazel/green

Education level: Some graduate school

Sabbath: Follow many of the Sabbath traditions

Mezuzah on every door post

Traditional kosher home, flexible eating out



Modern Orthodox

Ashkenaz (European/Russian descent)


Height, Age, Level of religiosity, Material possessions, Having children

Secular, Hebrew school

Torah classes, Jewish-studies classes, Self-learning



I have been told that I am caring, honest and ethical. I am actively working on improving myself through work and Torah. Family, Community chesed, friends, Judaism, and personal growth are very important to me. I was raised Conservative, and started learning Torah 10 years ago to keep up with what my children were learning in school. I have been keeping Shabbos with friends and family for about 2 years. I keep Kosher in my house and eat fish or vegetarian when I go out. What I have learned has put peace into my life and I anticipate that it will continue. I look forward to meeting someone who enjoys lighting candles as much as I enjoy reciting the Kiddush. I enjoy cooking and inviting family and friends for Shabbos. I am not Shomer Shabbos, but could get there.

I don't know. He emailed me first on Frumster and now on I just don't know. What do you think I should do? How can he be Modern Orthodox when he's not Shomer Shabbos? What does "many of the Sabbath traditions" mean?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Pass on this one. Shmiras Shabbos should be a requirement.

  2. I say, why not email a bit with him? The good thing about long distance relationships is you can find out a lot by email or phone before you ever have to date.

    Sounds like he is on his way to being 100% shomer shabbat so I say, reserve judgement until you learn more

  3. Get to know him. He sounds nice. To me he sounds very religious, but then again, I am not. I think it would be a mistake to let a nice person go just because of Shabbos. He obviously goes to shul and cares about being Jewish. This might be your second chance...that is, after letting the first one go. Give it a try, you don't have to marry the guy if you don't want! :::)))
    Be well.

  4. I agree with Riva. Can't hurt to correspond - just keep an open mind and proceed with caution.

    Also - so what if he's not 100% shomer shabbat? His kids are in some form of Jewish school, right? He's obviously committed to the life, so why quibble?

    I read a fascinating thing this weekend, and I'm going to try to follow up on the source and any eludication. It sounds very reformy, but it's 100% bona fide frum. It boils down to this: God loves the mitzvot that spread goodwill among His children MORE than the mitzvot that are solely between man and his Maker.

    So - being a nice person and trying to make genuine connections may be more than half the battle.

  5. I agree with Joyce. On the one hand, it is not your job to change your zivug to what you want, and as you know, that will only lead to unhappiness. But that does not sound like this guy. This guys sounds like someone who wants to make the change, and just needs a little inspiration, a little encouragement to take the plunge. He sounds like someone growing into the role, and he certainly wont be against it if he feels reassured.

  6. "Pass on this one" - you know what, the guy obviously has a good attitude and is a flexible person. There's always going to be some nit-picky reason to pass on everyone, until the day comes when everyone is just going to pass on Ayelet. Listen to Riva and Joice. I don't know where Yaacov is in life, or who he ended up with, but the primary reasons to pass on someone should have to do with character, not ritual.

  7. I don't think there's such a thing as minimizing how important his committment to Shabbat is.

    But, he does sound like he's growing towards eventually keeping Shabbat. It's not a black and white instant process. Why not talk to him and find out where he sees himself eventually?


  8. The most important thing in life is growth. This guy is a find. You want someone who's 100% shomer shabbos and bored with it? He says he loves saying kiddush! How many frum guys do you know who love to say kiddush? You should date him. Not so you inspire him. So he inspires you.