Tuesday, June 16, 2009

... and back to reality

ET called and left a message on my home phone, saying that he could see me Wednesday but would rather see me Thursday, so when I got home I called him.

"I woke up at 1:30 today," he said. "I trust you did too."

"As if," I said. "I woke up at 10. Some of us have to work."

"You mean not everyone gets checks from New Jersey for doing nothing?" ET exclaimed. He's unemployed at the moment, and apparently making the most of his time off.

"No, some people have to listen to other people talk all day!" I said. "And some people had trouble focusing on other people's problems because they felt all happy and giggly."

"I'm glad to hear that," ET said. "So are you free Thursday night?"

"I think I am," I said. "Is it a date?"


"It's... whatever you want it to be," said ET.

"What do you want it to be?" I asked, heart sinking with every word.

"I'm happy with things like they were last night," he said. "But if you're asking about long-term potential..."

Another pause. I didn't say anything. Eventually he resumed.

"I'm enjoying what we have right now. You're definitely one of my favorite Connect Four partners. But I definitely wouldn't want to keep you from meeting and dating other men who you might have... more of a future with," he said.

"I see," I said.

"It's just... I always saw myself as having lots of children, at some point," he said delicately. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but..."

"But a younger woman will be able to have more children than I will," I finished for him. Not necessarily; some younger women are infertile. But an engineer deals in numbers and percentages, not individual cases. Or people. He hasn't changed his mind about my age.

If I'm too old to have six children, I am too old to have a friend with benefits. I'm not saying I'll avoid him in group situations, but there will be no more makeout sessions in his car, no more private video nights in my apartment, no more Connect Four at the pizza store. He can't take just a piece of me, and he can't have the benefits of an exclusive relationship without the responsibilities.

I wanted to say, "If you think you'll find a younger woman who is one-tenth as hot, and smart, and funny, and amazing as I am, you're deluding yourself. Especially not in Brooklyn." But that just sounds bitter. I'm very glad I didn't sleep with him, though. And even more glad that I forced the issue and headed off certain heartbreak. Right now I'm just disappointed.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. He led you on, and that's not right. If he had no intention of forming a long term relationship with someone older than him, he had no right to do that. Even if his hormones were running too fast last night, he obviously was thinking straight enough to tell you that "age is just a number." That implies premeditation, not just getting carried away.

    You deserve someone with better character.

  2. Good point. He had no business telling me age was a number last night, and a deal-killer tonight.

  3. Ouch. He definitely led you on. I agree with DYS--even if he was overcome by lust, he should be a mensch. You handled this one just right, but I know that is small comfort. You ARE hot, smart funny and amazing. His loss.

  4. "If you think you'll find a younger woman who is one-tenth as hot, and smart, and funny, and amazing as I am, you're deluding yourself. Especially not in Brooklyn."

    Zing! The truth hurts. Even though it would have sounded bitter, it's also 100% on the money.

    His loss. And your gain, actually. You don't need another player.

  5. He let you believe what you wanted as long as it suited him. That makes him scum in my book.

    Well, moving right along and not much harm done. Sounds like you had fun without losing sight of your goals, so you're ok.

    I had a similar situation recently... be proud of yourself for handling this better than a lot of people could.

    Don't waste any regrets on him. You're one step closer to the real thing.


  6. I don't intend to be mean or judgmental with the following statement, I just want you to think about it and the general approach to romantic relationships by the Creator of the universe. He loves us and only has our best interest at heart. Are you ready for the statement? Please forgive me for being direct.....

    Serves you right for flashing your boobs in front of his face.

    Now back to being sensitive..you are obviously a fun and interesting person. Your body is secondary to that. Your soul and personality will always take a back seat if you flash your body. Men are visual and get distracted. If you want men to ogle you go be a stripper. If you want to find a mate, keep yourself modestly dressed until your wedding night. Then you can let it all hang out.

  7. ugh, it take back my "yay" from the previous post. Stupid boys are stupid. :(

  8. Touché, Anon. the second. Overheating his hormones like that was bound to end in tragedy.

  9. I'm always surprised to see intelligent, spiritual and seemingly sincere people deluding themselves about their religious commitment, especially when it comes to lust.

    Hey you're not being straight with Gd & then you blasphemise when you get a potch, lesson, wake up call?

    Anyway Gd cannot be shrunk into our limited perceptions. "Mochin Lekatnut. Aza Atzvut" Shuly Rand

    "Suffering can only be pierced from the inside" Elie Weisel