Monday, June 29, 2009

Okay, tikunolam -- do your stuff!

My blog reader tikunolam (who blogs with her friend * Dov Ber) is a psychologist. Not an evil psychologist like Drs. Jerk, Dragon, Octopussy, or Incompetent. She actually isn't out to eviscerate and destroy people.

But she thinks my taste in men is a little questionable:

Ayelet, HealthNut's profile cried schizoid with OCD! I am trying to imagine what you found interesting in the profile at all. Feel free to have me psychologically profile the profile before you take the next step next time. . .(I know you are not a big fan of psychologists, but if you can make an exception for me, I'd be happy to give my two cents)

Okay, that's an offer I can't refuse. tikunolam, what do you think of this guy?

Age: 34, Male
From: Monsey, New York
Family Status: single (never married), without children
Religious Practice: Modern Orthodox (machmir)
Religious Background: from a traditional family
Ethnicity: ashkenazi

Additional Background Information
Consider relocation? Yes
Wishing to make aliyah to Israel? Yes
Jewish Education: yeshiva/seminary
Secular Education: Bachelors
Languages Spoken: English, Hebrew
Political Beliefs: not important
Occupation: Business Consultant
Hobbies and Interests: ski, tennis, travel
Frequency of Torah Study: daily
Frequency of Tefilah: three times daily
Kippa: black velvet kippa
Tzitzit: always

This is how I describe myself: I'm a happy, warmhearted man who has a rather mischievous but at the same time tactful sense of humor. I am self-confident, intelligent, I've been fortunate to have had an interesting and exciting life. I was drawn to the truth and beauty of Torah, and I continue to aspire daily to live up to its ideals of doing the right and the good. I am constantly trying to work on myself and grow spiritualy. I consider myself very sincere and real and I wish to grow together with someone else in the very near future. I am interested in art, I love music and cooking.

Should I re-up my membership to see what's in the email he sent me? Or should I not bother, especially given his religious level and the fact that I'm five years older than he is?

* Correction: I mistakenly thought DovBear and tikunolam were married. Well, they are married -- to other people. My error.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. what's wrong with his religious status? Arn't ou modern orthodox?

  2. I assume Ayelet worries he is too far to the right.
    Let us know what your friend says! This one's tough to call

  3. I know that Frumster, JDate, are not cheap, but maybe it's worth keeping your membership active all the time to avoid the stress of deciding whether to re-up every time you get a message and then suffering regret whenever it wasn't worth it. If you just keep them active, yes, it may cost you $, but you'd be buying the peace of mind that you don't have to go through this internal debate each time.

  4. I'm surprised that TO is DBs husband!!! Are you sure?! DB seems like a MO guy to me, while IIRC, TO is a lapsed MO.

  5. Ok.
    First things first. DovBear is NOT MY HUSBAND. He is my longtime friend. We are both happily married to other people. Now that I got that out of the way. . .

    Like the profile. Would not be surprised if he is a guy who went to the right of his family. Hence the "traditional" versus "black yalmaka, machmir" stuff. I don't know where you are religiously with regards to outward appearance, but he will likely be looking for a skirts only and will cover her hair sort of woman.

    Wondering about his "fortune" of having an "interesting" life. Likely had some self discovery process, maybe went OTD for a while? This quote is why I think so: "I was drawn to the truth and beauty of Torah, and I continue to aspire daily to live up to its ideals of doing the right and the good. "

    From his profile I don't read any pathology that would make me caution you against him. So unless the other stuff (aliyah, RW MO with velvet kippa stuff) concerns you - sounds like worth looking into from my point of view.

  6. Apparently I want to be so married so badly, I marry off other people in my imagination ;) Mea culpa. I have corrected this error.

    The velvet kippa doesn't really bother me -- he seems fairly worldly and open. I'm perfectly willing to cover my hair, especially when it's humid and I look like a troll doll anyway. Aliyah... is no longer off the table. I wouldn't go on my own, but I'd consider going if I were married. I think my license is transferable, and there are enough English-speakers in Israel who need therapy that I would probably be able to find a job.

    But: he (I have to think of a clever nickname for him) is five years younger than I am. Several other readers are telling me I need to look at men who are 10-15 years older than I am. How could this guy consider me seriously as a mate?

  7. Did he write to you? Then he knows your age and he's interested in at least getting to know you better. An e-mail is not a marriage proposal, it's an invitation to communicate further.

    In the end, it doesn't matter what your readers think, it matters what you think. And if you are hung up on the 5 year age difference, you won't be able to overcome it.

  8. No worries on the mistake, made me laugh :) Sent the link to DB but apparently you corrected the error by the time he got to see it.

    I don't know you well enough (or at all for that matter) so I don't know why ppl are recommending older men to you or why a man 5 yrs your junior would be wrong. When he emailed you I would assume he knew your age, right? And I imagine a frum guy at 34 is not just emailing to strike up a friendship, or am I missing some part of this story?

  9. "Want to be married so badly" is of concern. Don't let that feeling blind you. And the yente matchmakers who think they are giving you such sound advice just may want to get the job done according to their narrow view of the world; or, maybe their world is that narrow.
    "Business consultant" may sound an alarm. Is that a steady job?